


The Voice in His Head

by Farquad



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Canon Universe, Christmas, Dark Magic, Drama, Falling In Love, First Kiss, First Love, First Time, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Gay Sex, Get Together, Happy Ending, M/M, MWPP, Marauders, Marauders' Era, Mutual Pining, POV Remus Lupin, Pining, Romance, Secrets, Shrieking Shack, Slight Humor, Slow Burn, Smut, Werewolf, Werewolf Transformation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-30
Updated: 2018-02-09
Packaged: 2019-02-24 05:45:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 34,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13207248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Farquad/pseuds/Farquad
Summary: 13 years old Remus Lupin returns to Hogwarts after the summer with his mind set that it will be the best year so far. He'll have fun with his friends and read books. No more lies. Just plain fun.However, his hopes are crushed when his greatest secret is at bay. With the new Defence Against the Dark Arts teachers, nosy enemies and suspicious Lily, Remus gets worried.With the whole world suspicious of him, Remus does whatever he can to hide his greatest secret. But what he doesn't know is that there might be more things than one that makes him differ from the rest.Promised angst, smut and a really happy ending!





	1. Return to Hogwarts

**Author's Note:**

> All HP Characters belong to JK Rowling and not me. English is not my first language, and I'm Wolfstar trash. Whoa, feels nice to have it all out there. Okay, just kidding!
> 
> Though, in all seriousness I had a wonderful time writing this, and I hope that you will like reading it as well. 
> 
> The rating will go up to Mature and Explicit later on.
> 
> Oh, and I'll be honest with you. This was inspired by the incredible fic Casting Moonshadows. ;)
> 
> Here we go!

"Bye mother, see you next year." Remus said as mother hugged him goodbye.

Since she was a muggle she was unable to walk through the wall leading to the hidden Platform 9 3/4, leaving them to bid their farewells earlier.

"Bye sweetie. Be a good student and do your homework. And send us a letter now and then. We'll miss you." Mother managed in between sobs. Remus grimaced. People were staring. She was too emotional.

After kissing Remus' left cheek mother finally released him. And after gripping the handle to his old trunk Remus started jogging towards the wall. He felt his father place a comforting hand on his shoulder right before he passed through it, making the both of them appear on the other side at the same time.

Remus involuntarily gasped when he saw the busy platform in front of him. Everywhere were parents, boys and girls in all ages, owls in cages and cats running around with their owners chasing after them. Remus noticed that some of the students already wore their uniforms, making Remus immediately feel the urgent need to throw open his trunk and put on his own uniform. He despised being in his muggle clothes; they made him look different. Made him look poor.

"Easy there now, Remus. Aren't you going to say goodbye to your old man before you leave?"

Remus stopped. He hadn't even realized he'd started walking towards the Hogwarts Express until a large, warm hand patted him on the top of his head. It made him feel smaller than he was. Though, he didn't swat the hand away. He secretly enjoyed the touch.

"Sorry father. Goodbye." Remus said, and then he found himself being embraced in a bear hug. The Lupin's may be many things, but one thing Remus knew for sure was that they were great huggers. He could have hugged his father there on the platform for the rest of the day if it weren't for the loud snarl he heard coming from behind, making him pull away. Turning his head to the side he felt his stomach sink to the ground when he saw Snape snarl at him. He quickly flicked his gaze to stare at his feet, hoping father hadn't seen him.

"Remus?"

Remus glanced up when he felt two hands grip his shoulders. He was met by the concerned eyes of his father as he felt the hands give his shoulders a light squeeze. Remus forced a smile.

"If you ever feel like it's too much, or you need help, or anything... please let us know?" Father said, his words forming a lump in Remus' throat.

Remus knew that his father was worried about the upcoming transformations, but refrained from mentioning them outload due to the surrounding families.

Remus tried to swallow down the lump in his throat. He didn't like to think about his 'problem'. He liked to pretend as if it didn't exist, even if he found himself worrying about if for the majority of the time.

"I will." Remus said, voice a mere whisper.

"No matter what happens your mother and I will always love you. Alright?" Father whispered seriously as he delivered a final squeeze to Remus' shoulders and let go. Remus felt the lump grow into the size of a ball when he thought about the fact that his parents still loved him, even after he'd turned into what he was today. Even after he'd turned into a monster.

"Alright." Remus repeated weakly.

From the sad look in his father's eyes Remus guessed he might think that Remus was sad about parting ways, but he didn't know that the real reason behind Remus' sorrow was the fact his parents were left with having him as a son, because Remus knew that they deserved better. They deserved a child with a bright future. They didn't deserve to have to try and hide Remus from the ministry year after year.

"Be a good boy for us this year, okay? Or should I perhaps say 'man'?" Father joked and smiled at Remus affectionately, the gesture making the lump in Remus' throat subside some.

Remus chuckled. He didn't think being thirteen counted as being a man.

"Time flies by so fast it won't be long until you're standing here with a wife and son of your own." Father sighed dreamily, but that's when Remus felt that their conversation went too far. So he stayed silent. He wasn't fond of breaking his father's future visions for him. Remus didn't want to tell father that he was probably going to end up living by himself considering the facts that he firstly wasn't allowed to have children, and secondly because no one would even want to be with him due to the risk.

When father looked concerned Remus forced a smile to his lips and bid his father farewell, starting to drag his worn trunk towards the Hogwarts Express.

"Study hard! Have fun! Love you!" Father chanted after him, making Remus' cheeks burn from embarrassment as he saw a couple of Slytherins snort and laugh at him haughtily. Remus looked around to shot his father one last smile and nod before he started walking towards the express again. Though, he stopped when a familiar voice met his ears.

"Moony!" The voice chirped, and with a grin Remus realized that is was James Potter.

"Remus wait!" James shouted again, but Remus had already stopped walking. He looked around the platform until he spotted a messy haired, glasses-clad boy rush towards him, hands carrying an expensive looking broom and dragging a fancy looking trunk. Remus tried not to compare his own appearance to James' since already knew that James' family was rich. Remus didn't need another reminder, so instead he smiled at James that skittered down to a stop in front of him.

"Hello." Remus smiled.

"What's up?" James grinned.

After exchanging a set of ridiculously 'manly' pats on the backs they made their way into the train and started looking for an empty compartment. When they found one Remus sat down by the window and James across from him. Remus tucked his trunk under the seat and then looked out the window while James cursed, trying to detangle from his luggage.

"Look, there's Padfoot." Remus said when he spotted Sirius Black on the other side of the window, still on the platform. Sirius looked a mixture of pained and bored from where he stood next to an unfriendly looking woman and his little brother Regulus. Remus frowned at them. Regulus looked almost like an exact copy of Sirius, save from the fact that Regulus was smaller, had shorter hair and looked afraid from where he nearly shuddered next to Sirius.

Remus wondered why they still hadn't boarded the train when he saw a house elf apparate next to them, carrying two trunks and a cage with an owl. Remus tried not to get angry when he saw that the owl belonged Regulus and not Sirius even though he was older. With a grunt Remus realized it was probably because of the fact that Sirius was in Gryffindor. Though, Regulus hadn't got sorted yet. He guessed everyone took him for a Slytherin already.

Not wanting to get too riled up this early in the day Remus tore his eyes from the window only to find James curse under his breath as he formed his hands into fists and hit the seat next to him as he watched the exchange outside the window. Remus sighed. It was just so Gryffindor of them to get angry from witnessing injustice.

"Hi lads!"

Remus snapped his head to the side at the exact moment Peter Pettigrew closed the compartment door after him. Remus and James greeted him halfheartedly before James yanked him over to the window where the three of them stared out again, all of them searching for Sirius. However, when the only thing they saw was the late runners rushing for the train that had started moving, so they sat back in their seats.

Remus fiddled with the sleeves of his muggle-shirt while Peter rummaged through his trunk, probably searching for money or candy. Absentmindedly Remus wondered if he planned on buying something from the trolley.

Just as the train started moving off the station the door to the compartment flung open, revealing a grumpy looking Sirius who muttered swearwords under his breath as he stomped inside and threw the door shut behind him. Before anyone had time to greet him he tore off his necktie, green coat and threw open his trunk to rummage through it.

Remus, James and Peter watched in silence as Sirius exchanged his fancy dressing clothes to the Gryffindor school uniform with its tie and robe. And as Sirius picked up his wand to magically tuck his old clothes back inside his trunk Remus dragged out his own trunk from where it'd lied under his seat and put on his school uniform as well.

"Ah, much better." Sirius exhaled as he slumped down on the seat next to Remus.

"Tough summer?" James asked from where he seemed to be opting whenever he should put on his uniform as well, at least if the thoughtful scratching of his chin was anything to go by.

"Blergh," Sirius said. "I'm telling you, if I had to attend just one more dinner party I would have gone as insane as old uncle Cygnus."

The compartment was silent for a while. Remus wasn't sure what to say. Sirius often told them stories about how many insane ancestors he had, but Remus always preferred to think of it as being just jokes. He didn't know how to respond in case it all was real.

"My summer was bad." Sirius explained after a while, looking concerned, but then quickly chirped up when he reached a hand out to pat Peter's knee hard from where he sat in front of him.

"How was your summer Wormy?"

Peter jumped when Sirius slapped his knee once more. He swatted away Sirius' hand and scooted closer to James who grinned at them. Remus felt a small smile tug at his lips when Peter started telling a story about how he had been forced to share his bedroom with his annoying cousin Mandy, making Remus, James and Sirius all laugh as he exaggerated quite extensively.

When Peter was done with his story James told them about how he'd practiced Quidditch nearly every day and night and how he planned on trying out for the Quidditch team this year. He told them that he wanted to be the seeker but that he would try out as a chaser since it was the only position available this year.

Remus told them that he'd read books and helped his mother in the garden during the summer. He knew it wouldn't impress any of them but at least they didn't laugh at him. Instead they seemed to care about him and even asked how it'd went with his 'furry little problem'. Remus felt grateful for his kindhearted friends.

About halfway to Scotland James and Peter changed into their school uniforms, and the four of them made to play a game of exploding snap when they heard the snacks trolley roll past their compartment door, making James, Sirius and Peter all jump out of their seats in their hurry to fill their stomach's with sweets. Remus, however, didn't move. He knew he could make it the rest of the way without eating. He thought it was worth it considering he planned on saving his pocket money for his favorite Honeydukes chocolate later in the term.

Remus tapped his index finger against the window while he watched the vast green forests, lakes and fields flash past him. His eyes widened in surprise when the train went on a bridge high up in the air above a lake, making it seem as if Remus was flying.

Remus snapped out of his thoughts when he heard three sets of happy voices reach his ear. Looking to the side he saw James, Sirius and Peter all return with armfuls filled to the brim with chocolate frogs, Bertie Bott's every flavored beans and other wizard candies in all kinds of colors.

"You don't want anything sweetheart?" The trolley lady managed to ask Remus right before the door closed shut in her face. Remus shook his head while he smiled apologetically at her. She shrugged and rolled away.

"Sure you don't want anything Moony?" James asked, looking uncertain as he flicked his eyes between his pile of candy to Remus who'd brought his knees up to his chin.

Remus shrugged. He made to lean back against the corner, thinking about catching up to some lost sleep when he felt something land on his knees. Glancing down Remus was surprised to find a chocolate frog lying there.

Looking to the side Remus saw Sirius smile at him.

"Wha-" Remus started but was interrupted when James suddenly reached out a hand and placed another chocolate frog on Remus' knees.

"Don't give them back. We want you to eat them. Please?" Sirius said as he made Remus look him in the eyes.

"Yeah, we don't want them. Either you eat them or we'll throw them away. Or something." James cut in as a matter of fact.

Remus felt a shy smile tug at his lips and his cheeks heat up. His friends knew that he didn't like to receive things. That it made him feel guilty because he couldn't afford to give anything back. But they knew that if they told him they were going to throw it away anyway Remus couldn't prevent himself from eating them. After all, it was better for him to take them than for them to be thrown, right?

With a shy smile that grew into a grin Remus nudged Sirius' shoulders. He felt a light chuckle escape him when Sirius high fived James, the both of them looking proud.

Remus lowered his feet back to the ground and then started wrapping up the first chocolate frog. He frowned when the card read 'Salazar Slytherin'. He made to quickly hide it from his Slytherin-hating friends but before he had any time for it he heard Sirius growl threatingly next to him.

Remus glanced at him, but startled when he realized Sirius wasn't looking at him. He was glaring in the direction of their compartment door.

"What is it?" Remus asked, Peter joining in from where he munched on candy as if his life depended on it. Remus briefly wondered what James was doing, but then he heard him curse under his breath, and that's when Remus realized what had happened. Through the window on the door of their compartment Remus saw a set of heads walk by, among them one that significantly resemblance Sirius.

Regulus, Remus realized.

"That little snake." Sirius growled threatingly, nearly crushing the package with Bertie Bott's beans in his hand. "I can bet my right arm on the fact he'll be sorted into slimy, sleazy Slytherin." Sirius muttered as he finally tore his gaze from the window down to glare at his lap.

Remus felt worry creep up and settle in his chest. He didn't like it when Sirius got upset.

"Did you see who he was with?" Sirius urged as he delivered a punch to his thigh. Remus raised his eyebrows in surprise and searched his brain for anything to say when he realized that Sirius was talking to James.

"Sadly." James said before he fake-vomited.

"Damn Malfoy. Damn Narcissa. Damn Nott." Sirius spat to the floor. "They're planning on turning him into one of their own before he's even sorted."

Remus wriggled around on his seat. He felt uncomfortable. So he settled on staring down at the second chocolate frog in his lap. Then he looked up to share a look with Peter who looked a mixture of excited and constipated, probably wanting to join in James and Sirius' conversation but not finding anything to say.

"Yeah, they're a bunch of shitheads." James grunted.

The compartment was quiet for a moment, save from Sirius that muttered curses and Peter who chewed on a bean. Then Peter dumped a bean in Remus' open hand. Remus looked down at it and saw that it was probably one of chocolate taste. When he ate it it tasted mud.

When the silence had stretched for over five minutes James cleared his throat.

"What are we?" He asked, making Remus frown in confusion.

"Boys?" Remus tried. James shook his head.

"Gryffindor's?" Peter asked, but was turned down as well.

"McGonagall's favorite students?" Sirius joked, making the others laugh at him.

Remus felt himself start to relax again now that Sirius seemed to have cooled down. He looked over at him, and shot him a smile, but turned his attention back to James when he sighed overdramatically.

"Marauders!" James exclaimed, earning him three sets of 'ah' in understanding form the others. "And what do marauders do?" James urged on, expectantly looking at all of them slowly.

"Get detention?" Remus suggested at the same time Sirius chanted "Cause a ruckus!"

Remus sighed when James and Sirius jumped out of their seats to high five. James declared they were going to prank Regulus and company with the, chanting that it was going to be absolutely brilliant and would get Sirius on a better mood.

For the rest of the trip to Scotland James and Sirius exchanged prank ideas. Peter joined in with some ideas of his own as well, and when they needed help with possible spells or more specific planning of the execution of the prank they turned to Remus. And when the four of them had planned a series of exciting pranks Remus felt the train come down to a stop.

Looking out the window Remus saw the dark train station and immediately felt his heart skip a beat in excitement. He was back at Hogwarts with his three best friends. He had his trunk ready and mind set. This was his third year, and it was going to be the best one yet.

_You sure about that?_

Remus shook his head, ignoring the annoying voice in his head.

This year he wouldn't feel the need to keep his secret like back in first, or hide from James, Sirius and Peter after they'd revealed his secret like in second. No, this year was going be absolutely perfect. No secrets. No hiding. Only Remus having fun with his three best friends.

He tried not to let his mood fall when he remembered about the many approaching full moons.


	2. Worst Enemies

The weeks flew by in a rapid speed as Remus' third year began. Much was the same as always; like the fact that Dumbledore still was the headmaster, and that McGonagall served as Gryffindor's head of house.

However, they had got a new teacher in Remus' favorite subject, Defence Against the Dark Arts. Professor Gordon was a middle aged, grumpy man with a brown beard. He had a couple of scars in his face that made him look frightening to most, though they didn't even make Remus flinch. He'd seen worse. Or more like, he'd lived through worse.

But there was one thing Remus didn't like about the new professor; namely that he soon made a habit of sending Remus suspicious looking glances, as well as Remus often caught him narrowing his eyes at him during lessons which made Remus break out in a nervous sweat. He knew that Dumbledore told every new add to the personnel about his condition, but this was the first time any of the teachers had treated him differently from the rest. Sure, Slughorn sometimes jumped and looked afraid if Remus chopped a root fiercely or if he let out a warning groan to some of his friends, but Gordon treated Remus differently from the beginning. It was as if he just waited for a reason to scold him, watch him do wrong or give him detention.

The fact that Gordon was an ex Auror didn't help Remus' worry. No, because it made him even more nervous. What if he had some sort of silver daggers or whips hidden underneath his desk, just waiting to send a blow at Remus the moment he looks away?

Remus grimaced. He wiped his sweat covered forehead on the back of his hand before he looked down and silently cursed. He'd accidentally smudged his ink with his hand as he worried over Professor Gordon, who by the way Remus felt was staring at him from his desk. Remus didn't know whether his advanced senses were good or not, but at least he knew that he had Gordon's eyes on him.

With the help of his wand Remus fixed the notes on his parchment back to their non-smudged state and had just the time to write down the last word written on the black board when the bell rang. Class was over and Professor Gordon told them to place the essays at the front of the desk which Remus did on his way out from where he walked next to Peter who he'd sat by.

It had been the last lesson of the day and now they headed for the common room. Bickering and laughing James and Sirius caught up with them after one corridor. Remus heard James fill his lungs with air, about to say something when they turned a corner and came face to face with their _enemies_.

" _Potter_." Snape spat at the same time Remus, James, Sirius and Peter all came down to a stop. Remus grimaced as he looked at the small group of Slytherins in front of him. Why couldn't they ever just pass each other like normal students?

" _Snivellus_." Sirius hissed. Turning his head to the side Remus found him looking a mixture of disgusted and amused.

"Black." Rosier snarled, earning him a "Rosier." From James. There were two other Slytherins with them as well, but they seemed to be first years and therefore kept quiet. Though, they still sent glares at Remus and his friends.

Remus had to stop himself from grunting and stomping his foot on the floor impatiently. If they were going to address each other for longer Remus might as well make himself comfortable, sit down and open a book.

Though, his impatience was quickly exchanged for offence as he saw Rosier turn his eyes to him and snarl. Remus felt his cheeks burn as Rosier gave him a disapproving look over. He tried not to give in to the shame burning in his chest as he saw Rosier chuckle at him evilly.

Remus turned his gaze to the floor he stared at with fierce determination. He hoped his friends didn't think he looked so badly off they wanted to laugh at him as well.

"What are you laughing at?" James demanded threatingly as he took a step closer, Sirius following his lead while forming his hands into fists.

"Have you finally realized how utterly hilariously ugly you lot are? Because if you have I understand why you're laughing." Sirius staged a set of cold laughs that echoed in the stone corridor, the only accommodating sounds coming from Snape and Rosier that seemed to almost fume with rage. For a second Remus wondered what Lily saw in Snape, and how she could be friends with him when they were so different, but he dropped his line of thought and instead jerked at the spot when he saw Snape and Rosier bring out their wands.

Within a second James and Sirius had picked up their wands as well, and as they aimed them at their enemies Remus picked up his while he saw Peter fumble for his that he somehow found being stuck in his shoe.

"I don't understand why you hang out with him." Rosier spat as he sent a haughty glare Remus' way.

" _Loony, Loopy, Lupin_." Rosier sang but was interrupted when James and Sirius shouted two sets of 'Expelliarmus' at him, the force of the combined spells making Rosier fall to the floor, his wand fly up in the air.

Through the heavy shame Remus still managed to rush forward with his arm reached out. He tried to catch the wand as he heard James, Sirius and Snape shout spells at each other.

However, before he had any time to catch it one of the unknown Slytherin students had rushed forward and pushed him to the floor. Remus made to get back up but then a furious voice reached their ears.

"Hey! I saw that! No spells in the corridors! Now I got you!"

Remus froze. It was Filch.

Snapping his head to the side Remus saw Mr. Filch run towards them, his speed fast as he furiously caught up with them in the corridor. His right arm was raised and he waved a fist in the air threatingly. Remus' heart skipped a beat out of fear. He looked up and shared a terrified look with Peter who squeaked, looking like he opted over whether to flee the scene or not, when he felt a set of arms hook under his armpits, hauling him up from the floor.

"Hurry!" Sirius hissed close to Remus' ear before they felt them being enveloped in a smooth material. Remus felt James and Peter join them under the invincibility cloak, the four of them immediately rushing to the wall closest to them in the corridor. Remus was more or less dragged along.

"Shh!" Sirius hissed as he let go of Remus' armpits and slammed a hand over his mouth. James did the same.

When Remus' back was pressed against the wall he looked around and had to suppress a snicker when he saw a furious Filch run towards them, fist waving in the air, Rosier, Snape and the two other Slytherins fervently sending glares all around them, feeling confused from the others disappearance.

"Where did they go?" Filch demanded as he came down to a stop approximately one meter from the wall where Remus, James, Sirius and Peter all stood as still as they possible, their chests heaving with adrenaline and suppressed laughter. Filch's eyes nearly plopped out of their sockets from the extent of his manic staring. He looked really funny.

"I don't know sir!" Snape explained as he defensively held his wand out in front of him, eyes searching the walls, lingering for just a second too long over the spot where they were hidden.

"What do you mean you don't know? Weren't you right next to them! Huh?" Filch spat, this time to Rosier who' picked up his wand and now brushed some dust of his clothes, looking a mixture of offended and suspicious. Their small fan club stayed silent in the background, and either Filch hadn't seen them or he didn't care about them because he didn't even aim them a single glance. Perhaps he was too preoccupied by glaring at the walls.

"But _sir_ , they just... disappeared." Rosier tried to explain, his 'sir' sounding extremely forced. From their secret hiding spot Remus thought he saw Rosier grit his teeth and roll his eyes with his back to Filch before he turned to face him.

Remus jumped when Filch suddenly slammed a hand to the wall, only ten centimeters from Remus' head. He felt the others jump as well, but lucky enough someone was wise enough to slam a hand over Peter's mouth before he could scream and ultimately reveal their position.

"Damn bastards..." Filch muttered. With his heart in his throat Remus saw Filch's hand slide on the wall, moving about five centimeters closer to Remus, making him fear that he were soon to get a grip around the invisibility cloak, or perhaps even feel the heat radiating from their bodies, or hear their breathing.

Remus slowly turned his head to the side and got eye contact with James. He flicked his head to the side, motioning for them to move to the side. James nodded and then released his hands from his mouth to grip Sirius and Peter's wrists before he slowly took a step to the side, away from Filch who'd started sniffling the air, looking like he'd found something extremely suspicious.

Sirius and Peter were quick to catch up with their plan as they started walking with them. Sirius let his hands drop from his and Peter's mouths' before he shook James' hand off his wrist, earning him a teasing grin from James.

Remus stared at the floor, but he could feel Filch staring at them, walking closer. Glancing to his side, past Sirius who was pressed up to his side, he felt a jab of surprise when he saw that Snape and Rosier had walked closer as well, the both of them glaring with their wands held out in front of them.

Remus felt a shot of panic surge through him. He made to get his wand from his robe pocket. However, just as he lifted the wand from it he accidentally stabbed Peter's cheek with it, the collision and Remus' panic making a set of sparks escape it, making Peter squeak terrified and start taking off faster.

Remus' eyes widened in fear as Peter's rush made the invisibility cloak ride up at the back, probably making Remus' entire back visible and part of Sirius' as well. With a panicked squeak Remus and Sirius started gripping for the thin cloak, at the same time James fumbled for Peter who he gripped by the shoulders, preventing him from running any further.

"Hey!"

The four of them froze on the spot. Snapping his head around Remus saw Filch point at something on the floor, and with fear he realized it was the spot where their feet, or backsides, had just been visible.

Filch had seen them!

"Stop where you are!"

"Sir, they're here!"

Rosier and Snape shouted at the same time Filch took a step forward, making him stand almost pressed to Remus who managed to break out of his frozen state and push James and Sirius on their backs, making them nudge Peter as they took off again, running this time. Remus gripped the cloak, tried to make it stay in place, though he didn't think it mattered much anymore. Their footsteps echoed in the old stone corridor loud enough to reach Slughorn down in the Slytherin dungeons.

And speaking of Slytherins, Remus heard them shout curses at them at random from behind, lights of red and yellow hitting the wall behind them as they ran to the end of the corridor and turned a corner.

On the other side of the corner Peter wanted to rest, complaining he'd got a cramp. That made James and Sirius grip him by one arm each and them proceed to half carry, half drag him forward, all the while Remus took the place at the front and tried to make sure that the cloak covered them all.

When they reached a flight of stairs Peter told them he could walk by himself and wriggled out of Sirius and James' grip. Then the four of them rushed down it until they reached the seventh floor. Remus was out of breath but he didn't dare stopping. Not until they were safely inside the Gryffindor common room.

When they reached the portrait hole Remus panted a 'Felix Felicis' to which the Fat Lady looked confused as she swung to the side for them. As they climbed through the hole they stepped out of the invisibility cloak one after one, Remus first. He sighed in relief as the relatively fresh air of the common room reached his nostrils. He hadn't realized how crammed up the cloak had been.

Remus made sure no one looked behind him as the others revealed themselves from the cloak. When they walked up next to Remus James fumbled and tried to tuck the cloak back in his bag, and Peter fidgeted nervously at the place as his forehead glistened with sweat and eyes flicked from side to side. Sirius looked calm and even wore a smug grin.

"Did you see Snivellus' face?" Sirius chuckled, finding this hilarious.

"Priceless!" James mused as Sirius started walking towards the door leading up to the boy's dormitories. Remus followed after him.

Though, when a loud banging on the portrait hole reached their ears the four of them froze. Remus shared a confused look with Sirius before he turned around to glance to where the noise came from. He saw a person he recognized as being the head girl walk over to the hole just as the person outside shouted "I know you're in there!"

Remus gasped, Sirius snorted,  James chuckled, Peter squeaked. It was Filch.

"Hurry!" Sirius hissed, suddenly dodging the door and instead sprinting to the couches by the fireplace. He shooed away the first years who sat there, them fleeing the scene just as Sirius slumped down on his usual spot, spreading out on the couch. When Remus saw James run to the couch across form it where he lied down, feigning sleep, he rushed over to Sirius and sat down next to him on his usual spot. Sirius immediately draped an arm over his shoulder, and Remus leaned into him while Peter sat down to his left. Remus thought he heard Peter chew on something and guessed he'd searched for candy in his bag to calm his nerves.

"Mister Filch, sir! You are not allowed to be in here."

Remus straightened his posture and perked his ears when he heard the head girl greet Filch by the portrait hole. When he heard a huff he raised his eyebrows in surprise. Had Filch pushed his way past her? Had she let him in?

"Here." Sirius whispered as he quickly slammed a magazine on Remus' lap. He started in but relaxed when he saw Sirius hand one to Peter and take one for himself as well. Remus nodded to himself. It would serve as their disguise.

Eager to play along, Remus glanced down at his magazine. He groaned. He'd got the latest number of 'Witches Weekly'.

"Shh, Moony. Play along." Sirius whispered. Remus narrowed his eyes at him. Sirius had taken the Daily Prophet for himself.

"Now I've got you! Now you can't escape!" Filch nearly shouted as he stomped towards them in the common room. Remus copied Sirius and tried to look innocent from where he flipped through the pages of his magazine. Remus found a moving picture of some 'Winner of the most handsome smile' that he stared at.

"Hey, I'm talking to you!" Filch spat, walking up to them. Out of the corner of his eyes Remus saw James press his face into the arms rest of the couch, probably hiding a grin from where he pretended to be asleep.

"What, me?" Sirius said sugary sweet as he deliberately closed his magazine and slowly glanced up. Then he staged a gasp. "Mister Filch!"

Remus had to bite down on his lower lip not to laugh. He resolutely stared at the smiling man in the magazine, and tried not to give in to how funny Sirius' well practiced innocent-act was.

"You know very well who I'm talking to, Black!" Filch growled, sounding extremely furious. Remus glanced up and saw that his face was red with a pulsating vein in his forehead.

 _Charming_.

Remus clenched his jaw not to laugh. If Filch didn't look so funny the scene might have scared him. He looked around some in the room he spotted a couple of first and second years who looked so afraid they were shaking. They would probably start laughing as well if they got this close to Filch.

"I do?" Sirius asked, his voice mildly surprised, making Filch grunt impatiently.

Filch took a step forward, positioning himself right in front of Remus and Sirius. Remus scolded himself for not feigning sleep as well. After all, Filch hadn't spotted James yet.

"You're coming with me now." Filch hissed. "Casting spells in the corridor... running away from punishment..." He muttered as he motioned for Sirius to rise up from his seat. When he didn't Filch stomped on the ground and raised a finger in the air threatingly.

"I said, you're coming with me now!" Filch growled.

Daring a glance up Remus saw the vein in his forehead pulsate alarmingly.

When Remus felt Sirius twitch next to him, probably struggling to keep in his laughter or refraining from shouting something at Filch he was sure to regret later, Remus cleared his throat and looked up to meet Filch's glaring eyes.

"Please pardon my question sir, but I fear there might have been a slight misunderstanding. You see, we have been in the common room since our last lesson of the day ended, so why are you blaming us for having being up to something?" Remus asked, blinking at Filch with his best 'I'm-innocent' look.

It didn't seem to work.

"You listen to me now, _Lupin_." Filch hissed, his eyes narrowing at Remus. Out of nowhere Remus heard a cat growl. Glancing down he saw Mrs. Norris glare at him.

Ugh, Remus hated that cat. She always seemed to keep an eye on him, and sometimes he wondered if she could sense what he was. If she could sense that he was a dark creature. Remus suppressed the urge to growl back.

"I know what I saw. You bastards shot spells at Mister Rosier and Snape in broad daylight, in the middle of the corridor, which you know is strictly forbidden." Filch spoke as a vicious smile creeped up his lips, his palms rubbing together "You will now follow me and-" Filch was interrupted by a cough from Sirius.

" _Sir_." Sirius started. Looking to his side Remus saw Sirius angle up his chin, straighten his posture, successfully turning his face into the infamous haughty Black-expression, accompanied by a sneer. "Do you have any proof?" He asked, voice calm and controlled, the very opposite to Filch's.

Remus' lips quirked at the corners when he saw Sirius wink at him, making him look back at Filch. Though, he wished he hadn't because at that right moment Filch gritted his yellow teeth and scratched his tangled hair.

_Probably not one of the contenders in the Witches Weekly's most handsome smile competition._

Remus tried not to scrunch his nose in disgust.

He saw Filch take a moment to fill his lungs with air, but then he quickly reached out. Remus startled when he felt a hand close around his wrist.

"Hey, let him go!" Sirius immediately ordered but was interrupted when a hand closed around his wrist as well.

"You're coming with me now." Filch sneered as he yanked them up from the couch. Remus suddenly felt real fear grip his chest. He hadn't thought of the possibility of Filch actually punishing them. What were they going to do?

"Let me go," Sirius said while he flung his arm up and down, trying to make Filch release him. He didn't. Remus looked down at his own wrist and realized that he could probably easily shake Filch off him, and bend his fingers away from Sirius if possible. Though, then he remembered about the fact it probably wouldn't look good if the line 'Broke ten fingers on squib janitor Filch's hands', so instead he found himself passively standing on the spot.

He shot a look to his left and found Peter staring at them, looking nearly paralyzed. Remus felt a pang of betrayal when he saw Peter slowly close his eyes, starting to feigning sleep as well. Why didn't Filch care about Peter and James?

"Go on, follow me." Filch yanked on their wrists, apparently not sensing how Sirius struggled or how Remus resolutely stood still on the spot, stiff as a plank, making Filch grunt as he tried to make him move again. Remus almost wanted to scream for Filch to punish the others as well, but he kept quiet. Though, from the way Sirius turned his head to stare at James' quivering figure he guessed he felt the same.

"Hey, you're not allowed to be in here!"

Remus snapped his head to the side. He saw a tall, seventh year boy he remembered as being Gryffindor's Head Boy walking towards them, Head Girl by his side and a couple of the scared looking first years. Remus tried not to roll his eyes over how heroic they all looked. They looked like they were on a battlefield and were about to defeat evil; like the exact picture of a true Gryffindor.

Filch apparently tried to ignore them since he kept trying to yank Remus and Sirius forward, muttering about ancient punishments.

"Hello? Mister Filch?" The Head Boy asked as Remus remembered his name being Albert.

"What?" Spat Filch, turning his head around. Albert had walked close enough for them to touch.

"You're not allowed to be in here. This is a common room and only the students or head of the house are allowed in here. Unless you've got special permission, of course." Albert explained once more before he placed himself next to Remus who stared at him, baffled.

"What are you talking about? 'Course I'm allowed to be in here, I'm the janitor!" Filch explained, trying to sound superior but failing since he finally released Remus and Sirius' wrists, the both of them quickly bringing them up to their chests to rub them.

"Are you bothering these boys?" Albert asked.

When Albert turned his head to look at Remus he nodded, and out of the corner of his eyes Remus saw Sirius nod as well all the while over dramatically making his puppy-dog-eyes, pouting and rubbing his wrist.

Remus thought Sirius gave the picture of a wounded puppy, and perhaps Albert thought so as well because he gasped and then fiercely turned his attention back to Filch.

"Sir, please leave now." He said sternly, leaving to room for negotiation.

"But-" Filch started, probably wanting to tell them about the fact he was the janitor again, but before he got the chance Albert, Head Girl, and the first years started shouting for him to leave. For a second Filch got that furious look back on his face, but then he went back to only look irritated.

Remus felt a mixture of surprised and relieved when after muttering a final set of threats Filch stomped away from them, face red with fury and hands clenched into fists. Mrs. Norris followed him out of the portrait hole. He growled something about McGonagall before he was gone.

Remus heaved a sigh of relief. After thanking Albert he slumped back down on the couch and closed his eyes. He felt Sirius sit down as well, cursing under his breath.

"That was close."

Remus snapped his eyes open. Then he frowned. James had finally sat back up on the couch, smiling apologetically at them.

"Traitor!" Sirius hissed, glaring at James, his mouth open in disbelief.

"Calm down Padfoot, you didn't get punished so what's the big deal?" James shrugged, trying to act nonchalant but failing when he nervously brought up a hand to ruffle his mess of a hair.

"Well, don't come to me for help the next time you're in trouble, because then _I'll_ pretend that _I'm_ asleep." Sirius huffed and crossed his arms and legs, glaring at James who started to take off his robe.

Remus felt a bit angry with James and Peter's behaviors still, but since none of them had received detention in the end he decided to let it go. He turned to look at Peter, jabbed a finger on his shoulder.

"Wormtail you can wake up now." He said. Though, when all he got was a snore in response he gaped in surprise. Had Peter actually fallen asleep? But he was only supposed to pretend!

"Wormy's asleep?" James asked, taking the opportunity to do something else than fret under Sirius' gaze. Remus nodded.

"Well, it's not that odd actually. He sometimes falls asleep when he'd scared. Think it's a weird habit or something." James said as a matter of fact. Remus thought it was an odd behavior to develop. He shook his head.

"So... should we wake him up or leave him here? I'd like to go to the dorm." Remus said after a beat of silence. Sirius snorted.

"I don't know? Why don't you ask traitor over there?"

"Hey, I said I'm sorry!" James stood up from the couch.

"No, you didn't?" Sirius said as he stood up as well.

Remus groaned. Why did he find himself in situations like these? To his left one of his friends had fallen asleep due to the fact he was afraid, and to his right his other two friends bickered and seemed to get into fight over being called traitor, hurt pride or what not.

Remus sighed. He just wanted some peace and quiet for a change. He should really think over his choice of friends.

He watched as James jumped Sirius, making them fall to the floor in a fistfight. Even though the scene made Remus grimace uncomfortably he still found it a tad bit amusing that two pureblood wizards fought muggle-style.

When Remus saw Sirius knock James' back head against the floor he automatically yelped in shock, jumped on the spot, accidentally elbowing Peter in the process.

"I'm innocent!" Peter squeaked as his eyes snapped open. Remus smiled at him awkwardly. Did he think Filch was still there?

Remus turned his attention back to the fight as he heard the first chants of 'fight, fight' coming from the firsts years in the common room. Remus absentmindedly started biting on his nails when he saw James aim a hard punch to Sirius' chest, making him groan in pain.

Remus opted whether he should stay or not, unsure of how long the fight would last and if he really felt it necessary to watch, when suddenly they stopped fighting. Frowning, Remus watched as James and Sirius patted each other's backs and then helped each other up, both of them looking content and chuckling.

_What the hell?_

Remus blinked, confused. Then he remembered that he was an only child. Perhaps fighting was a thing between brothers that they did occasionally? To rinse the air or something? Remus shook his head. Whatever it was it seemed to have been necessary considering James and Sirius both looked happy again, holding on to each other like the best of friends.

Remus decided not to ask. Instead felt happy about the fact James and Sirius were okay again.

Remus asked his friends to follow him to the dorm which earned him a thumbs up from Sirius. Remus was in desperate need of some chocolate from his nightstand drawer.

'''''''''

After eating half a bar of chocolate, reading some and made up a homework schedule Remus heard James suggest they head down for an early dinner. Remus agreed. They were going to both plan and execute a super important mission after it, so it was only good to get it over with early.

James and Peter walked out of the dorm, Peter dreamily speaking about the many desserts he planned to eat. Remus got up from his bed and headed for the door as well, but before he made it out from it he saw Sirius walk up to him seemingly out of nowhere, looking a mixture of serious and concerned. Remus immediately felt his chest constrict nervously.

"Moony," Sirius started as he came down to a stop in front of Remus.

Remus waited for him to continue, but when he didn't he asked "What is it Padfoot?"

Sirius frowned at him for a second, looking both sad and frustrated at the same time. Remus hoped he hadn't accidentally done something to agitate him. Though, he dropped that thought when he felt Sirius reach out to pat his shoulder reassuringly.

"Just- Don't listen to them, okay?" Sirius said, voice low and honest. It took a moment for Remus to understand what he meant but then he remembered. Snape and Rosier had been especially mean to him earlier. Looking at him disapprovingly and calling him names. That's what Sirius meant.

"Don't let what they said get to you, okay? Remember; you've got us now. What they say doesn't matter. They're just a bunch of losers. I bet they're just jealous over the fact they don't have such a cool friend like you. They're jealous they don't have a _Moony_." Sirius said with a small smile, his gray eyes boring into Remus'.

Remus, that hadn't realized he'd felt down until now that felt something warm swell in his chest, the pain disappearing. What Snape and Rosier said didn't matter anymore. The only thing that mattered was the fact that Sirius was a brilliant friend that wanted him to be happy no matter what.

"Thank you Sirius." Remus said, an honest smile creeping up his lips. He felt the smile spread into an unusual tooth-showing grin when he saw Sirius flash a brilliant grin at him at the same time he brushed back his fringe nonchalantly.

"You don't have to thank me. It's the truth. I just wanted to make sure you knew it." Sirius stated as a matter of fact, trying to shrug his considerate act off as something obvious. But Remus didn't think it was. In fact, James and Peter hadn't told him not to listen to the bullies. But Sirius did.

_Why?_

Remus shook his head. It didn't matter.

Sirius patted his shoulder once more before turning around to exit through the door. Remus wanted to thank him once more but instead he found himself asking "Do you really think I'm cool?"

When he saw Sirius stop and slowly turn around to face him again he felt his cheeks burn. Of course Sirius didn't think that. Why had Remus asked? Now it would only be awkward. Sirius had only said it to try and cheer him up. Sirius would probably start laughing now.

However, as Remus watched Sirius look over at him with an uncharacteristic fond smile on his lips Remus stopped panicking.

"Of course I do. I think you're super cool Moony. The coolest." Sirius said, not seeming to suppress laughter or to be lying. No, he seemed perfectly serious. Remus blinked at him, and mentally rejoiced over the fact he'd got such a great friend that actually thought of him, of Remus, as cool.

"Are you coming? Or are you planning on eating Peter's leftovers for dinner?" Sirius asked playfully. He reached out a hand to grip Remus' wrist and yank him forward. Remus allowed himself to be pulled out of the door to their dorm and down the stairs on their way to the Great Hall.

Sirius held on to his wrist nearly the whole way down, and for some reason Remus found himself reluctant for him to let go. He liked the feeling of Sirius' hand around his wrist. It made him feel safe.

Remus shook his head as they walked onto the Great Hall. He was extremely hungry and hoped Peter had left something for them. He wouldn't fancy eating leftovers _again_.


	3. Under the cloak

"There!"

"Where?"

"Right there to your left!"

"Where, ow, you stepped on my foot!"

"No I didn't?"

"I can't see anything!"

"Ah! Who poked me in the butt!" Peter squeaked, accidentally colliding with a low shelf filled to the brim with different potions.

"Sorry, _Lumos_." James whispered as he lifted his wand above their heads from where they stood crammed up under the invisibility cloak.

Remus startled when the light hit his eyes that were already used to the darkness. He'd spotted the ingredients they needed already, but was too far away to reach for it. He nudged Sirius in the shoulders and pointed at the desk in front of them. This time Sirius saw them, so he snaked a hand out from the cloak and then reached for them.

They had sneaked into Professor Slughorn's supply cupboard down in the Slytherin dungeons. Remus still felt a jab of guilt hit his chest whenever he or his friends nicked something, but he tried to ignore it when he reminded himself of the fact they did it out of a good cause.

After reading a lot of books on the subject they had found out that the next step in James, Sirius and Peter's animagi transformations was to start meditating, and to be able to do that they had to steal a couple of high branded, exclusive and some even illegal ingredients for the potion.

"Got them." Sirius whispered as he'd filled his pockets with the three necessary ingredients. He motioned for them to start moving, which was easier said than done considering that the four of them had to elbow each other as they turned around. When James elbowed Remus, and Peter accidentally stepped on his foot, Remus wondered if it'd really been necessary for all four of them to sneak out. He sighed when he felt Peter stomp on his foot again.

"Ow, watch your step Wormy!" James hissed before he deliberately shoved Peter into Remus, making him stumble, nearly falling out of the secureness in the invisibility cloak and into a set of suspicious looking vials.

"Don't push me!" Remus hissed as he felt someone grab him by the arm and yank him back.

"Prongs pushed me first!" Peter urged, but still had the decency to look guilty as Remus took a deep breath to steady himself. He muttered thanks to Sirius who'd saved him from falling into the potions and ultimately crushing them.

"Only because you used me as a footrest or something." James bickered, making Remus pinch the bridge of his nose in irritation. Out of all the opportunities to mock each other, did they have to do it in the middle of a dark cupboard when they were stealing illegal ingredients?

"Ladies, are you done?" Sirius asked with a cheeky grin, earning him two offended gasps from James and Peter who delivered a jab to Sirius' chest each, making him chuckle "I'm kidding, I'm kidding!"

"Can we leave now? Please?" Remus pleaded when the noise got loud again. Anxiously, he flicked his eyes along the walls filled to the brim with different potions and ingredients.

When his friends didn't seem to listen to him Remus turned around, stared at them and growled warningly. That silenced them up.

"We're done now." James gulped as he patted Sirius back just to make a statement. Remus eyed him suspiciously, but when he smiled at him, trying to look innocent, and Sirius and Peter joined him, Remus turned around again. He told James to flick the light off which he did and then Remus slowly led the way out of the cupboard. After pressing his hear to the door, listening for any sounds coming from outside, and made sure the course was clear he opened it.

The four of them pattered out of the door, and then Remus voiced a locking spell he'd recently learned on the lock before they took off. Remus lit his wand as he led them through the door out of the classroom, through the cold Slytherin corridors, heading for the Gryffindor common room. However, just as they passed the entrance to the Slytherin common room Sirius came to a halt.

"Wait," He whispered as he brought them over to press against the nearby wall. Suddenly his expression turned smug, making Remus raise his eyebrows at him in confusion, but when he saw something mischievous glint in his eyes he got it.

"When we're already at it, why don't we take the opportunity to 'greet' little Reggie? I mean, wouldn't it be quite of a lost opportunity otherwise?" Sirius pryed, trying to sound like they were discussing what to do after lunch rather than planning a prank on Regulus. James joined in of course.

"Well, you're a man of great ideas, if I dare say so! "James whisper-bellowed, making Remus wince since he apparently was the only one remembering that they were still invincible, had their pockets filled with stolen potion ingredients, and just for the notice were four Gryffindor's in the Slytherin dungeons.

"Stop fooling around already. Why can't we head back?" Remus whispered as silent as he could, but when he was ignored he hissed at them, or, well, specifically down James' neck.

James grimaced and slammed a hand over his neck, aiming Remus a disgusted look. Remus looked over at Peter for support but when he found him eying James up like he was his greatest idol he turned his attention to Sirius instead. However, he regretted that decision when he was met by Sirius' puppy-dog-eyes.

"But Moony," Sirius started, eyes pleading and lips pouting. Remus thought he took a step closer, if that was even possible in their already close proximity. "We're already here. Come on. Please? It'll be fun." Sirius whisper-pleaded so close that his nose nearly bumped into Remus'. Strangely enough Remus didn't find it uncomfortable, and that revelation somehow led him to nodding his head, making Sirius' sad expression immediately turn into a proud grin.

"Great, knew we could count on you." He said as he patted Remus' back once. James joined in and patted Remus' shoulder, a bit too hard for Remus taste, and even Peter aimed a pat but on his arm.

After Remus shh'ed them they all fell silent as they waited by the entrance to the Slytherin common room. They waited for Regulus to pass by but they didn't know if he was already inside, or not. At times like this Remus really wished they were done with the map already. It would've made things much easier. He made a mental note for them to finish the map as soon as possible.

Remus snapped out of his thoughts when Peter inhaled sharply. Remus saw Snape and another kid exit the door, and he had to forcefully grip James and Sirius by their wrists to prevent them from impulsively cast a spell on him.

"Snivellus," Sirius hissed, voice drippling with hate.

"Slimy snakes!" James hissed louder than Sirius. In fact so loud that Snape snapped around, brought up his wand and aimed it at their exact position. Remus bit his lip and held his breath as Snape narrowed his eyes at them, slowly taking a step closer.

Remus slammed a hand over Peter's mouth just to be on the safe side. He sometimes screamed at times like these, forgetting that they weren't visible to outsiders. However, as Remus heard James mutter a just barely coherent 'Greasy git' he wished he'd slammed a hand over his mouth as well.

"Potter." Snape spat, his eyes widening and nostrils flaring. He looked angry, but then that changed into mild confusion as he looked around them and all his eyes saw was the wall and door he'd just exited on his way out from the common room.

Remus swallowed before he nudged Sirius, motioning for him to cover James' mouth. Reluctantly he lifted a hand and meant to place it over James' lips, but at the exact moment he did a bellowing voice met them, surprising Sirius and making him drop the hand back to hang by his side.

"Severus!" The cheerful voice bellowed. Remus tried not to get too agitated when he realized the voice belonged to Slughorn.

"Professor." Snape said as he immediately turned around on the spot to nod at the him. Slughorn smiled at him like he would to a firstborn son, chuckled and waved his hand in the air.

"What are you doing here all by yourself? You do know curfew starts in less than ten minutes, right?" Slughorn said as he gave Snape a look over. Remus grimaced when he realized Snape probably was one of Slughorn's star pupils and ultimately one of his best students, if not the best. Well, save from Lily of course.

Snape looked around and probably realized that his companion had left him by himself. Remus tried not to snort when he thought about how selfish Slytherins were. And it served Snape right to be left alone after what he'd said earlier anyway.

After Slughorn told Snape it was time to head back to the common room he reluctantly did, Slughorn following suit. Remus wondered what Snape had been up to this late. He got a closer look on Snape's clothes he saw that he wore his outer coat. Odd.

"Yuck, did you see how Slughorn definitely did heart eyes at Snivellus?" James whispered, hurling.

"Disgusting." Sirius agreed, and after jabbing a hand in Peter's chest he agreed as well.

Remus sighed. He released Peter's mouth and wiped his hand on his robe. "What do you think he was up to?" Remus asked, gaining three frowns from his friends. They had probably been too busy over mumbling curses at Snape to really take in his appearance. "He wore his outer coat." Remus explained.

"Perhaps he went out for a walk?" Peter suggested before he yawned into his hand, making Remus yawn as well.

"Sneaking out to buy some decent shampoo? He could really need one." Sirius snickered.

"That would be a great suggestion if it weren't for the fact he probably doesn't know what shampoo is." James chuckled. Remus rubbed his neck and tried not to roll his eyes.

"Can't you ever be serious?" He asked before he realized his mistake. He heard Sirius stop his snickering in favor of taking a big breath.

"I'm always Sirius."

Remus opened his mouth to say something but closed it again. Why was he in the Slytherin dungeons, under the invisibility cloak, listening to Sirius making the oldest joke in universe, now again?

"Can we go back? I'm tired." Peter complained just as he swayed on the spot, leaning his weight on James who pushed him to Sirius, who pushed him to Remus.

"No we're not. Come on Wormy. I thought you liked some mischief, but guess I was wrong."  James shrugged, using a new tactic to get Peter to wake up. It worked.

"I do!" Peter nearly shouted with over enthusiasm.

"Thought you were a marauder..." James sighed dramatically. This time Remus gave in to temptation and rolled his eyes.

"I am!" Peter demanded, now almost jumping on the spot in his eager to show James that he wanted to join them in their mischief. "Forget what I said, I want to stay here the whole night!" Peter declared, making James grin at him looking proud.

"That's the spirit Wormy. I will never doubt you again." James said as one on his hands came down to pat Peter on the top of his sandy colored hair. Remus opened his mouth to suggest that they either stop shouting, since Peter's outbursts probably could be heard from the bottom of the Black Lake by now, or suggest for them to head back, since he still had an essay to work on. But he stayed silent when Sirius flew a hand and hit him lightly.

"Shh, it's Reg!" He hissed, sounding excited.

Remus perked his ears as he looked around them, searching for Regulus. Then he found him walking towards them, head buried in a book. Remus didn't think much about it, but as he got closer Remus thought the book looked... different.

"Damn, is that a book on the Dark Arts?" James whispered. Remus and Peter inhaled in shock, but Sirius didn't even flinch.

"Either that or something as shady. Now he's making mommy proud." Sirius whispered sarcastically. Remus suddenly felt the need to protect Sirius from the many evils that was his family. He suppressed the feeling.

Though, out of its own record Remus' hand reached out to pat Sirius' back.

"It's okay." Remus heard himself whisper so quietly it was barely hearable. He felt his cheeks heat up when he remembered about the fact James and Peter was still there, and that he'd actually said it out of instinct, not thinking of his words. But when Sirius shot him a thankful smile over his shoulder he relaxed.

"Let's get this over with." Remus said, and when he gained two over enthusiastic nods from James and Sirius and a staged 'Yes!' from Peter who tried not to sway form where he struggled against the sleep, they went on with the prank.

Regulus was about ten meters away from them, and another Slytherin kid had joined him from behind. It was also a first year, but somehow Remus found him seeming to be much older. He guessed it had something to do with the fact that his eyes were evil and suspiciously flicked along the walls. Sometimes the tongue peeked out his mouth, making Remus grimace in disgust.

"Look, it's Crouch." James told them.

Remus vaguely wondered how he'd remember his name from only the sorting ceremony, but then he remembered about the fact that he, and probably Sirius as well, knew the name of nearly every pureblood witch or wizard alive due to their own pureblood status or something like that.

"Creep." Sirius whispered.

Sirius lifted his wand, motioning for James to do the same. "I'll take Reg, you take Crouch."

Regulus was only about two meters from the entrance now and was currently occupied by tucking the suspicions looking book in his bag. Remus wondered why that was necessary; he didn't think the fellow Slytherins would mind if they saw him reading that book. Hell, they might even ask him to borrow it!

Remus lifted his wand as well. In case anything went wrong he wanted to help his friends any way he could.

He watched as Sirius aimed his wand at Regulus, James at Crouch, and then they both muttered two different curses. Remus startled when he heard the loud thud of Regulus' book hitting the floor. Then he watched as Regulus fell forward, his hands outreached in front of him before he collided with the stone floor with a huff. Remus wondered shy but then he realized Sirius had probably tied his shoelaces together.

Next to him Crouch shrieked as his trousers started pushing themselves down his body on their own. Seemingly out of their own will they lowered down to set by his ankles, and Remus had to suppress the urge to laugh out loud when he saw Crouch bend over and grip the trousers, trying to pull them back up. When they stayed where they were he growled and tried to take a step forward but stumbled and fell just like Regulus.

"Go!" Sirius whispered, voice muffled from where he snickered under his hand. James' eyes teared up as he pressed two hands to his mouth, but still didn't manage to silence the muffled cries of laughter escaping him. Remus felt the corners of his mouth quirk up, and soon he was struggling not to laugh as well.

"Hey!" Crouch shouted suddenly. He looked furious from where he half-stumbled, half-dragged himself over the stone floor. "Hey, who's there?" He demanded, probably hearing the muffled cries of laughter.

"Your mom!" James said just loud enough for Crouch and Regulus to hear, making Sirius choke.

"Ha ha! Funny!" Peter chuckled all too loud, making Remus, Sirius and James each slam a hand over his mouth. Remus bit his lip as he felt town between the need to lie down and laugh or run away from the angry Slytherins as soon as possible.

"Shh, be quiet Wormy!" Sirius hissed as the three of them let go of Peter's mouth.

"Who's there!" Crouch demanded. Next to him Regulus scrambled to get up to his feet.

"Come on." Remus managed to whisper before he started walking, reaching out a hand to grip Peter's robe and yank him with him. He poked James and Sirius in the ribs until they sobered up and started walking after him. Their footsteps echoed in the stone corridor, but Remus hoped the complaints and groans coming from Crouch and Regulus would cover them up.

They made it out of the Slytherin dungeons without walking into any students, professors or ghosts along the way. Though, just as Remus thought they were heading up the Great Stairs for the portrait hole Peter told them he was hungry. And as the great friends that they were Remus, James and Sirius immediately steered the steps for the kitchens. Peter got the honor of walking at the front of the invisibility cloak and also got to scratch the pear in the painting.

The four of them managed to pass through the painting, only pushing each other and stepping on each other's feet for about five seconds before they all with a sigh of relief felt James drape the cloak off them. Remus took a step to the side before he filled his lungs with fresh air, or perhaps not that fresh but instead scented with many sweets and dishes, as he flattened out his hair.

He swept his gaze around the room that looked nearly as big as the Great Hall and he blinked in surprise as he always did when entering inside. House elves ran around everywhere, doing the dishes, cleaning and cooking. Remus wondered if they were still cleaning up after dinner, or if they perhaps prepared for tomorrow's meals.

"Eh, excuse me!" Came Peter's voice. "Do you perhaps have any biscuits? Please?"

Immediately a house elf appeared with a silver tray of chocolate biscuits. Remus instinctively took a step back as he felt the heat radiating from the silver. Though, his eyes gazed longingly at the biscuits. He really loved chocolate.

"Do you have any chocolate cake?" Came Sirius' voice from where he'd walked up next to Remus, draping an arm over his shoulders, making him startle but then smile as he saw Sirius grin at him. "You still like chocolate cake, right?" Sirius asked as he bumped hips with Remus, making him blush for reasons unknown.

"Yes. I was going to say that I'm amazed by the fact you remembered that but then I remembered that you've watched me gorge chocolate for over two years now." Remus huffed. The smile stayed on his lips, and it even grew into a genuine grin as he watched a house elf run up to them with a tray with a delicious looking chocolate cake on it.

"Thank you." Sirius said smoothly to the house elf. Remus suppressed the urge to roll his eyes when he realized the elf was a girl and that Sirius had managed to make her blush.

"Do you by any chance have a bag? Please?" Sirius wondered and was answered as the house elf snapped her fingers and a white bag appeared out of nowhere. Sirius thanked the elf once more before he released Remus' shoulders to take the tray. "Watch out." Sirius warned him, his eyes serious, as he took a step back. He started moving the cake from the silver tray to the bag. When he was done he placed the tray on the floor. He took the bag in his left hand, and then lifted his right to wrap around Remus' shoulders again.

"I hope you fancy mashed cake!" Sirius sang close to his ears as he gave the bag a tug, mashing the cake further. Remus heard a light laugh escape him.

"As long as it's chocolate the texture of it doesn't matter." Remus smiled at Sirius that looked him in the eyes. "But don't you want anything?" Remus asked and looked around. He saw Peter fill three bags with different biscuits, and saw James in the middle of a hoard of house elves which held up trays with pastries, tarts, and cakes for him to take.

Sirius hummed and seemed to think about his answer. Then he looked around some before he, to Remus' great surprise, asked an elf "Do you have any pudding?"

"What?" Remus laughed. "I thought you despised pudding." Remus furrowed his brows. Sirius had made it very clear for them that pudding was the most disgusting 'thing' in the entire world, and that it had been a great mistake by whoever had invented it to call it a 'dessert'.

"I do." Sirius chuckled next to him. "Thought we could send it to Snivellus or something." He mused before he released Remus once more to fetch a wobbly pudding from a plate that the girl house elf brought with her. Remus grimaced and hoped he wouldn't throw it in the same bag as the cake, but relaxed when he heard Sirius ask for another one.

Remus waited for Peter and James to finish fill their bags, pockets and school bags. When they were done James brought the invisibility cloak again, and the four of them crowded inside it. Though, if Remus had thought it crowded before it was nothing compared to how it felt now. With three of them carrying sweets that could last the inhabitants of Gryffindor's tower for a week the cloak pouted out at the sides, making the soles of their feet visible.

Remus swallowed nervously as he led the way to the portrait. It was past curfew, and he hoped they wouldn't meet anyone because then they would have a hard time explaining why they suddenly saw four pair of soles walking around on the floor.

Though, as he led the way to the Great Stairs and they finally started climbing it he let out an exhale of relief. Perhaps they would make it back alright after all. 


	4. Shady Snakes and Hidden Rooms

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like this chapter!

"Man! I'm so excited!" James exclaimed from his usual seat across from Remus. He buzzed with excitement, his behavior successfully irritating most of the inhabitants of the Gryffindor table.

"We know." Remus sighed before he lifted a hand to rub his temples in distress.

"You've said that about six times already Prongs." Sirius informed him as he reached over the table to jab his fork on James' nose, making him push back and nearly fall of his chair as he voiced a set of 'ew's and 'yuck's. Remus didn't tell Sirius to behave and not cause a ruckus when the head table was so close by. He was desperate for James to quiet down already as well.

"Come on! Aren't you excited?" James looked at them in pure disbelief. He lifted a hand to ruffle his hair and push his glasses further up his nose. "You know what? You two can be grumpy over there, fine, but I'm telling you; Wormy and I are much happier over here where we're excited." James told them as he elbowed a drowsy Peter in the ribs, making him jolt and fling his hands up in the air in surrender.

"Are you excited?" James asked with a grin.

Yawning, Peter flicked his eyes from James to Remus and Sirius and then back again before he shrugged. "Depends on what's going on." He said as he blinking got back to his neglected bacon on his plate.

Remus raised his eyebrows at Peter.

Sirius coughed. "Are you deaf or something? How could you not have heard Prongs go on about this for like, what? Every waking second for the past week?" Sirius asked as he huffed at Peter who'd narrowed his eyes at them.

"Wow, you're so kind today Padfoot. Really, thanks for the compliment." Peter murmured sarcastically to the table, making a pang of guilt hit Remus' chest, also making him immediately thinking up ten different ways for him to apologize in Sirius' place. However, the words got stuck in his throat as Sirius suddenly nudged him in the shoulders. Turning his head to the side Remus found him looking at him, rolling his eyes and doing that 'he's-mental' thing with his index finger that swirled in circles next to his head.

"Hey, I saw that!" Peter reached out a hand over the table to try and jab Sirius but failed since Sirius backed away from the table at that exact moment, laughing. Remus thought that Sirius should feel sorry having spoken to Peter like that, but instead he only laughed. Looking at Sirius, Remus felt the corners of his mouth twitch. Peter's face turned bright red in front of him.

"Wormy you'll come watch, won't you?" James asked Peter out of the blue, either not having heard the conversation or had chosen not to join in it.

Peter frowned at James for a second, but after he'd shot a disapproving glance Remus and Sirius' way he nodded. "Sure. Besides, there will be girls trying out as well, right?" His expression suddenly turned from annoyed to interested.

Remus felt himself stop smiling and instead start staring as James' eyes turned smug. "Of course there'll be girls there Wormy. Well trained birds in tight Quidditch uniforms, or well, perhaps not uniforms yet but not in the usual school wear anyway." James babbled while he used the nail of one of his index fingers as a toothpick.

"Girls in tight clothes, huh, Wormtail? Bet you like that." Sirius teased Peter whose ears had turned red as well. The smile on his lips was smug as he slowly lifted the last piece of bacon to his mouth.

"Who don't though?" James asked, arching one eyebrow as he leaned back on his chair and turned his head to the side, probably trying to get a glimpse of Lily. Remus didn't think James spotted her since he turned his attention back to them, looking slightly disappointed.

"Do you think there will be any older girls on the tryouts as well?" Peter asked, looking interested and excited. "Any girls with, you know..." His voice lowered down to a whisper as he lifted his hands to motion in front of his chest non-so-discreetly.

"With huge knockers?" James asked, making Remus choke on his spit.

"...Yeah?" Peter asked, his neck red but his face curious.

"You like older chicks with huge knockers Pete? I knew you had a type but this came as a surprise." Sirius chuckled, joining the conversation as James started talking about the really good looking seeker seventh year girl captain.

Remus realized he was biting on his nails. He quickly lowered his hand to lie in his lap, and looked up again. He blinked at James' moving lips and realized he'd been quiet for an unusually long time. Sure, he wasn't the most talkative person out of them and he liked a great amount of peace and quiet, but usually he added an argument, a clever comment, or just about anything to the conversations around the Gryffindor table.

Though, as he watched James and Sirius tease Peter and drag information out of him he realized he didn't _have_ anything to say. He surprised himself when also he realized he didn't care. He had no interest in the world of speaking of girls, huge knockers, and especially not about Peter's type.

He placed his elbows on the table and leaned his head in his hands. He started looking up the ceiling of the Great Hall, lowered them and watched Hufflepuffs leave the table for the doors, and even saw Dumbledore speak to McGonagall by the head table.

Remus looked around some more but as he let his eyes drift back to James and Peter in front of him he startled. He saw how happy, excited and flustered the both of them looked. They looked almost as if they had just found out about the greatest thing in life, which was amazingly secret, but wonderful, or something like that.

Remus blinked, wondering where the conversation had gone to. When he realized they were still talking about girls he felt something uncomfortable settle in his stomach.

_Shouldn't you like to talk about girls that much as well?_

Remus leaned back in his seat chewed on his bottom lip nervously. Was he too young? No James, Peter and Sirius were almost the same age as him. Was there something odd with him today then? No, he felt like usual. Then why didn't he find the conversation interesting? Was there something wrong with him?

"Hey Moony, you alright?"

Remus snapped his head to the side when he felt a warm hand pat his back. Sirius looked at him, his gray eyes concerned. Remus swallowed. How was he going to explain why he hadn't said anything, probably for hours, when he didn't know the answer himself?

He hoped Sirius wasn't going to tell him that he was weird.

"Terrific." Remus lied, adding a stiff smile that didn't reach his eyes. Sirius didn't seem to buy it.

"You know you can tell me anything right?" Sirius said honestly. Remus opened his mouth to tell him he knew but didn't get the chance to finish since Sirius started talking again. "Nothing can scare us, or me, away, alright?"

Remus wanted to tell him he knew that already but found that he couldn't. Something had found his heart and twisted it around, making him suddenly struggle for air. He didn't like how Sirius implied that Remus hid something from them.

He felt Sirius' hand come down to stroke his back once as Remus struggled to find anything to say. When he didn't he fake-smiled at Sirius again before he turned to stare at his empty plate.

"You don't like the topic?" Sirius asked after a minute of watching James and Peter fool around. Remus startled. He felt a nervous sweat break out all over his body. What was he going to say?

"No, I-" Remus started. He wasn't sure how to finish the sentence. He wondered if he looked as hopeless as he felt. He guessed he did because Sirius frowned at him and lifted a hand to pat his shoulder reassuringly again.

"You don't like when we talk about... _girls_?" Sirius whispered as he slowly leaned closer. For some reason Remus felt his cheeks heat up, and suddenly he found himself leaning in closer. When he didn't find anything to say, since he didn't know whether to confess or not, he simply looked Sirius in the eyes.

"It's okay. I mean, I know how you work by now, how you think. Or, well, at least I think I do. But it's not your fault. You shouldn't let it come in the way of you finding someone special, thinking you shouldn't. You can't help that you happen to have a furry little problem." Sirius whispered seriously, nodding.

Remus immediately sat up straight again, brought a hand up to cover his mouth. Of course! Of course he didn't like to talk about girls! It all made perfect sense now. He didn't like to talk about girls because of the fact he was a werewolf and wasn't allowed to either marry or have children. And no one would want to be with him if they found out anyway. That's why the topic made him uncomfortable.

Remus sighed in relief at the realization. But then he tensed again, frowned. He felt his chest hollow, and was overwhelmed by the sudden urge to cry. He had never really given it a great thought, but now he remembered that he was bound to be alone for the rest of his life.

"Moony?" Sirius asked, sounding concerned.

Remus looked at Sirius without really seeing him.

 _Get a grip! This is your life and the only one you get. Take it or leave it. You can't wallow in pity over yourself like that when you've got hundreds of prying eyes around you_.

Remus shook his head.

"It's fine." He said. "I mean, I'm fine." He forced another smile at Sirius and saw him open his mouth, probably on his way to say something to make Remus feel better as usual, when suddenly James jumped up from his seat, chuckling out loud.

"Tryouts starts in thirty minutes!" He chirped. "You coming Wormy? I need to fetch my new Nimbus 1500!" James reached out a hand to grip Peter by the collar of his sweater, making him squeak and wave his hands around in the air before he fell backwards on the floor, cursing.

James laughed at him and only stopped to look over at Remus and Sirius. "You coming, Moony? Pads?" He asked expectantly. Remus blinked at him. He thought he'd made it sure that he could find about three thousand better ways to spend his morning.

"Of course Prongs. Can't wait to see you crush the others with your masterly skills." Sirius sang, making James' pride visibly grow as he straightened his posture and flashed them a grin.

"Moony?" Sirius asked, turning around to face Remus before he pushed out his chair and got up. Remus got up as well.

"I was actually planning on finishing the map if that's alright." Remus said, not telling them that he was going to do it even if they begged him not to. Though, it was hard to stay stubborn when Sirius and James both started pouting at him.

"If you want to I can watch the games later on in the term. If you happen make the team of course." Remus offered, not mentioning the fact that students were nearly forced to watch the games, not really making his offer that great. James frowned at him, having calculated that out himself as well.

"I'm obviously going to make the team." James said cockily, successfully living up to his reputation of being an arrogant brat. "But aren't you going to watch the practices?"

Remus grimaced. He despised having to watch others play Quidditch, and especially in the cold when mud stuck to his shoes and the hem of his robe.

"Preferably not...?" Remus piped, shifting from foot to foot awkwardly. James gaped, looking offended. He turned to Peter for support.

"I'm not planning to either. At least not all of them." Said Peter with a shrug.

"Wormy!" James gasped.

"Me neither. Sorry." Sirius shrugged, not looking sorry at all. Remus was thankful he wasn't the only one not longing to watch James practice Quidditch every other day or so. It made him feel less guilty.

"But-" James said, but at that exact moment a tall, dark haired girl walked past him in a Quidditch uniform. Remus realized that she must be the Quidditch captain.

"Tryouts starts in twenty-five!" She announced to which James started grinning again and bounce up and down on the spot excitedly.

"You know what? It doesn't matter. But what does matter is the fact that the tryouts starts now! Come on!" James chanted happily before he gripped Peter by the wrist and started pulling him with him as he trailed after the girl.

"See you later Moony!" Sirius said with a brilliant grin as he took off as well, leaving Remus by himself.

''''''''''

"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good." Remus whispered to the map in his hand. He watched as the swirling letters of Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot & Prongs disappeared in favor of showing him the very detailed corridors, classrooms and hidden passages of Hogwarts castle.

The map was nearly done; they only had to fill in some last minute information about the measurements in the Slytherin dungeons and fill in a suspiciously blank spot that was the corridor on the seventh floor. Remus thought it felt like there should be a room there, but no matter how many times he looked he couldn't find it.

He held his wand out in front of him while he slowly looked from left to right, making sure the course was clear. Then he took the first step in to the cold Slytherin dungeons. He had never been down there on his own before, and he could understand why because everywhere he looked were hard, cold, stone walls. No windows, no friendly portraits, no other students than the residents of the Slytherin house. No places to hide in case of an emergency, really.

Remus felt an uncomfortable shiver run down his spine as a grim looking Slytherin boy walked right past him. He guessed it was a seventh year, mostly because of how broad his shoulders were. Remus suddenly felt extremely grateful about the fact he'd been able to borrow James' invisibility cloak.

Remus glanced down at the map and made sure he was on the right way. There was only one corridor left to mark out and it was to his right in about twenty meters. Slowly, he made his way over there, all the while casting paranoid glances over his shoulder. His heightened senses didn't make him feel safe enough. He walked to the adjacent corridor and peeked inside. He felt his heart jump when he almost came face to face with a gang of Slytherins.

With his heart in his throat Remus stumbled back. He fervently pressed himself tight to the wall and made sure the cloak covered him from top to bottom, and had just time to whisper a 'Mischief Managed' to the map. In case he dropped it or the Slytherins were to spot him he couldn't risk it being confiscated.

He found a small alcove that he scrambled into, pressing himself against the wall. He held his breath and tried not to make any sounds as he saw the first person round the corner. Then another one, and another, and another. Remus felt his heart rate pick up as he counted the many shoes and legs to be five people. Daring a glance up from his hiding spot he immediately recognized one of them. Regulus.

He looked small and fragile from where he hunched his back and trailed after grou. In front of him Remus spotted Snape with his greasy hair and crooked nose. Next to him walked Rosier, engrossed in a conversation with a taller boy with ice-blond hair. Malfoy.

Remus narrowed his eyes at them and felt his guards rise as he saw that the last person in the group was Lestrange. Remus didn't like any them. They were known for being evil, and he'd got to taste their foul play by himself a couple of times. But even though he despised them he knew he didn't hate them as much as Sirius. That relaxed him a bit.

Remus felt something in his chest constrict when he thought about the fact that these were the kind of people Sirius got to socialize with when he returned home. That these were the kinds of people he would have had to socialize with if he'd ended up in Slytherin like his little brother that right now looked as if someone had died in front of him.

"He can't fool anyone. The color of his tie can't undo the hundreds of years of Slytherin blood that runs in his veins. I say he is pathetic for even trying, or wouldn't you say so?"

Remus perked his ears at that. Malfoy slowed down his walk, perhaps waiting in Regulus who seemed to hunch his shoulders impossibly more, lost in thought. Though, when Regulus realized Malfoy talked to him he quickly straightened his posture, lifted his chin in the air and turned his cold eyes to look up at him.

"I agree, Mister Malfoy." He said, the words making Remus' heart clench again as he realized they probably talked about Sirius. That they made Regulus think bad things about his own family. But then Remus realized that Sirius probably was related to Malfoy, Lestrange and Rosier as well. It didn't make them family.

"Isn't it ironic, though? A black sheep in the Black family." Malfoy said before he added a cold laugh that echoed in the corridor. Remus heard the others join in the laughing, and felt a wave of nausea hit him as he remembered they were all making fun of Sirius.

"It's comical." Regulus mumbled, agreeing with them.

"Speak louder, I can't hear you." Malfoy commanded as he smiled viciously at Regulus whose bottom lip started shaking.

"I said; it's comical." Regulus repeated, earning him a tsk from Malfoy as he started walking again. Though, they didn't get far since Malfoy immediately stopped, this time turning to Snape.

"Severus, why don't you show Rudolphus and me your new spell, hm?" He asked expectantly. Lestrange muttered in agreement. Remus wondered for a second what they were talking about, but then he saw Snape lift his wand and voice 'Levicorpus' out loud.

Remus almost shouted in surprise when he heard a loud shriek coming from somewhere to his left. Glancing over there he saw a girl hang in the air by her ankles, gravitation making her skirt fall over her head, baring her pink panties for the group that laughed at her.

Remus felt a mixture of disgust and hatred surge though him as he looked back at Lestrange who aimed his wand at another student to cast the spell himself.

Remus wanted them to stop. He didn't even feel the need to complete the map anymore. He just wanted to run back to the dorms, or even to the Quidditch pitch where he could reunite with his friends. He wanted to forget about these evil people that rejoiced when tormenting others.

_You're just lucky that it's not you hanging in the air by your ankles._

Remus felt a pang of self-hate hit him at the realization. Yes, he felt the need to take out his anger at the gang of bullies, but the relief that he was currently hidden in an alcove and not the one in the air was greater. He knew it made him a horrible person. It might even mike him a coward, but he couldn't help it. Just for now he would blame his inability to move on the fact he had a map to complete.

After what felt like hours but was probably about ten minutes, Malfoy's gang finally walked past him after having tormented another set of younger Slytherins. When Remus' sensitive hearing picked up their fading footsteps by the end of the corridor he brought out the map again and finally made to complete it.

His motivation was gone and all he wanted was to return to the safety that was his friends but he still found himself crawling out of the hiding spot, making sure the cloak covered him, and then take right in to the corridor.

He spent a good half an hour on measuring the walls with his wand and transfer the information to the map. He marked out the two doors to it as well and found a third hidden one behind an ugly bust of Salazar Slytherin.

When finally he was done he turned around on the spot and hurriedly made his way out of the Slytherin dungeons. He was sweaty all over and extremely nervous still. He constantly checked the map for footprints, listened for footsteps and sent glances over his shoulders, making sure he wasn't followed by someone or something.

He always got a weird feeling when in the dungeons. He hadn't told anyone about it since he was sure he was the only one that felt it, and he didn't think it was _totally_ weird or something, but still. Every time he walked down there his skin kind of tingled strangely and he felt affected by something. He guessed that the Slytherin common room either was filled with many silver objects or that a lot of dark magic was performed there.

When he reached the Great Stairs he allowed himself a minute to catch his breath. He looked outside on the blue sky through a window, loving how free he felt. He didn't like being underground.

He tried to calm his racing heart, but found it unnecessary as he immediately had to start making his way up the stairs. Because in through the main entrance walked in Professor McGonagall, Slughorn, Flitwick, Sprout and Headmaster Dumbledore, making Remus hurry up the stairs.

He allowed himself one last glance over his shoulder along the way. He stopped when he found Dumbledore look directly at him with a knowing smile.

Yikes! Had the cloak fallen off?

Fervently, Remus ran his sweaty fingers over himself before he remembered to push them outwards to feel if there was any fabric there. When he felt the smooth fabric against his fingers sighed in relief. It hadn't fallen off.

He wondered how Dumbledore could have looked straight at him but dropped the thought in favor of hurrying up the stairs, keeping a tight grip on the robe. He hoped none of the other professors could see him. It would be a bugger having to explain to McGonagall what he did in the Slytherin dungeons on his own with the secret cloak and map.

Remus made his way up the many flight of stairs and didn't stop until he reached the seventh floor. There he clutched his side and struggled for breath. He checked his watch and tried not to stress when he realized that he'd already been gone for over an hour. He wondered how long the tryouts were going to do, not wanting to miss his friends in the dorm. He wanted to finish the map before he met up with them.

"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good." Remus whispered, pressing the tip of his wand to the map.

He only had one last blank spot left to fill. He glanced up from the now sweat-covered map in his hands to look around the corridor that stretched in front of him. It was empty, save from the tapestry of Barnabas the barmy teaching trolls ballet to his left.

Determined to find out if something was behind the wall to his right Remus pressed his ear to it and listened. Nothing. He heard nothing coming from inside, and he only had about a minute to listen before a loud, cheerful, and much annoying laughter reached his ears form the other end of the corridor, making him jump in surprise and struggle to catch the map he'd dropped on the way.

With the map securely in his grip again he slowly made his way along the wall, keeping a safe distance from the approaching group of cheerful Hufflepuffs. Remus frowned from the loud ruckus they made. Why couldn't they just walk in silence, or whisper to each other, like decent people?

When Remus reached the end of the corridor he turned around and started walking along it again. He glanced down at the map, almost expecting for a classroom to appear there. But to. Nothing.

He walked over to the suspiciously empty wall, now to his left, and pressed his ear to it to listen. But he only listened for about a minute before another set of loud cackling laughter reached his ears. Grunting, Remus snapped his head to the side to stare at the approaching group of Ravenclaws. What was so funny they had to laugh out loud? And why were they even there in the first place? It was Saturday for Merlin's sake! Go outside!

As the noisy group walked past him he let out a low growl, feeling irritated, annoyed and stressed at the same time. Somewhere along the way he'd forgotten that he still wore the cloak, making the group of Ravenclaws stop momentarily to snap their heads around them as they searched for the sound. Remus had to slap a hand over his mouth as he felt a nervous laughter rise in his chest. They looked straight at him.

The Ravenclaws started walking again after one of them checked her watch and told them they were late. Remus exhaled. Then he turned his attention back to the wall before he decided for a new tactic. He reached out his wand and aimed the tip of it against the wall.

"Open!" He said, loud and clear.

Nothing happened.

Remus frowned. There should be a classroom there. Why couldn't he find it?

Agitated, he stomped along the wall and then turned around when he reached the end of the corridor. Grumbling, he searched the map for any footsteps as he walked along the corridor. He was just about to tap his wand against the wall again when he heard a new set of voices, these not laughing but speaking unnecessary loud.

Flicking his gaze up, Remus saw a small group consisting of three first years Gryffindor boys walk towards him. He shook his head and decided they weren't worth to get annoyed about. Though, as a bigger group of seven Hufflepuffs turned the corner after them Remus wanted to groan out loud.

Why were so many students suddenly taking this corridor? Why couldn't they just be silent? Remus wanted it to be quiet! He couldn't work on the map and concentrate like this.

Remus glanced over at his watch and tried not to get stressed when he saw that he'd already wasted another forty minutes.

"Bugger," He whispered, frowning. He really wanted to finish the map today. He didn't want to have wasted his time walking around feeling irritated when he knew that his friends probably had a brilliant time down by the Quidditch pitch.

Remus strode down to the end of the corridor and turned. He furrowed his brows in thought. He had to concentrate harder.

Deep in thought he started making his way along the wall as he glanced at the map. He thought about giving up already when suddenly he thought he saw something brush past him to his left. Stopping on the spot and slowly turning his head to the side he gasped. A door!

His heart rate quickened in surprise, and he felt curiosity peak inside him. What was the door doing there all of a sudden? It hadn't been there before!

After making sure the corridor was empty and blinking three times making sure he wasn't seeing things, he tucked the map in his pocket before he reached his left hand out to grip the firm door handle to the old door. With a creak the door flung open, revealing...

"Wow," Remus gasped in disbelief as he stepped inside. The heavy door closed behind him, leaving him in complete darkness. He startled and wondered how to turn the lights on when suddenly, like from his command, the room filled with the lights from hundreds of candles floating in the ceiling as a fireplace lightened up by the right corner.

Remus gaped. What was this place?

The room was about a quarter the size of their dorm but it didn't feel crowded. No, it felt cozy, warm and peaceful. It was quiet save from the crackling from the fire and Remus' own heavy breaths.

To his right was the fireplace, in front of it a small table and comfortable looking chair. Next to that was a small couch, and to the left of that a bookshelf filled to the brim with books. The walks, couch and fabric of the chair was dark red, gold and crimson. The furniture made of dark brown wood.

Remus felt his heart sing in happiness as he looked around the room. He hadn't known until now, but this was exactly what he'd wanted for a room. Here he could study, read, or work on the map without interruptions. It was big enough to walk around, but too small for others to cause a ruckus. The room, it- it was perfect!

"Wow," Remus mumbled as he walked around, getting a better look. He walked over to the bookshelf and found himself gasp for probably the hundredth time when he saw books on how to become Animagi, new and innovative spells, and Defence Against the Dark Arts.

He lifted his left hand to stroke the backs of the many hardcover books, his hand not stopping until he found a book called 'Werewolves - Monsters or Human?'. With a gulp he brought it from the bookshelf to get a closer look. He tucked his wand in his pocket before he flipped the book open, not sure what he searched for but unable to stop himself.

Though, when he found an argumentative article about how werewolves should be imprisoned for good he quickly slammed the book shut. He didn't bother putting it back in its original place but instead dropped it on the floor, and even stomped on it lightly as he felt his heart clench painfully. He scolded himself for even having opened the book.

_What were you thinking? Do you want to feel bad? Do you want to hate yourself more than you already do?_

"Stop it." Remus whispered as he tried to calm himself down. As a distraction he walked over to the chair and sat down. He brought his wand and the map up, removed the cloak and placed the map on the small desk. Then he got to work.

After spelling a fairly good drawing of the hidden room to appear on the map he mumbled 'Mischief Managed' before he folded it and tucked it back in his trouser pocket. He felt a small, proud smile tug on his lips as he rejoiced in the fact that the map was done.

He gazed around the room, thinking it was odd that there were no windows or portraits, when suddenly a window and a portrait appeared. Remus raised his eyebrows in surprise. Outside the window he could make out the Forbidden Forest; his favorite view, even though he was sure that this room faced the opposite side of Hogwarts grounds.

Above the fireplace a portrait had appeared and Remus got up from the chair to have a look at it. He startled when he realized that the well-dressed, dark-haired and royal-looking person in it was Sirius.

Feeling extremely confused Remus slowly started backing away from the painting. It looked so real, and the window too, but he knew there had been nothing but plain wall there only a minute ago. It didn't make sense. What was this room?

Just as he thought that a book out of nowhere landed in his hand, making him shout in surprise. The book fell to the floor but flipped itself open to land on a certain page. Daring a glance down Remus could make out that the book was 'Hogwarts, A History' and that the text read 'The Room of Requirements'.

Remus shook his head. This was starting to get a tad too creepy for him. He slowly walked backwards again, but stumbled when his foot collided with something solid. Muttering, he realized he'd stumbled on the werewolf book.

He draped the invisibility cloak over himself before he quickly rushed for the door and gripped the handle. For a second he feared that he was stuck, but as he pulled down the handle it opened for him. He stumbled outside and sighed in relief.

He had no idea what had just happened but he was thankful to be back in the main castle again. And after making sure he'd still got everything with him he started making his way back to the Gryffindor common room, wanting to meet up with his friends, not caring about how loud his footsteps echoed around him.

''''''''''

"Moony?" James asked curiously as Remus closed the door behind him.

"Yeah, it's me." Remus said as he draped the cloak off him, walking over to give it back to James. "How did it go?" He asked as he took in James' mud covered appearance.

"It went brilliant!" James chirped with a broad grin. "I made the team! I'm the new chaser!" He exclaimed cheerfully before he flew himself on Remus in a quick but hard hug that squeezed the air out of him.

"It was brilliant." Sirius agreed from where he walked up to stand next to Remus, smiling at him, making him smile back.

"Brilliant? Don't you mean _magical_?" Came Peter's voice as he climbed up James' bed, earning him a happy pat on the back from James.

"That's the spirit Wormy! Knew you were a man of honor!" James bellowed so loud Remus wondered if he'd forgotten he wasn't outside anymore.

"Sad you missed it?" James asked Remus with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

"Yes. In fact so sad I fail to know whether I will ever be able to get over my grief." Remus sighed dramatically, making the others chuckle at him. Though, Remus didn't have time for  jokes right now. He wanted to tell them about the secret room.

And even though he probably shouldn't mention it he felt that he perhaps should tell them about Malfoy and the others as well.

"Don't worry Moony. The first game will be against Hufflepuff in six weeks, and then there's Ravenclaw, and in May we're playing against Slytherin. There are many opportunities for you to watch!" James exclaimed with a broad smile.

Remus didn't really listen as he fumbled with his pockets, bringing out his wand and the map, folded it out and placed it on the edge of James' bed.

He was going to tell them about the room but instead found himself saying "Have you ever heard about a spell called 'Levicorpus'?"

After he received three sets of confused frowns he shook his head and went on with the explanation. He told them about his mission in the dungeons, of how Malfoy, Lestrange and Snape had hexed innocent students to hang upside down in the air by their ankles, but left out the part where they'd made fun of Sirius. Something told him Sirius wouldn't benefit from hearing that. He didn't mention Regulus either.

"Has _Snivellus_ made a spell?" Sirius sneered.

"Tch, he probably found it in an old book and just tells people he's made it himself." James said with confidence. Peter listened curiously. Remus stayed silent.

"Come here for a sec." Remus said after a moment when he'd grown tired of James and Sirius' Snape-mocking.

"What is it Moony?" Sirius asked, leaning his chin on Remus' shoulder, trying to peek down at the Marauder's Map while Remus swiped a finger over the parchment until it settled atop of the secret room.

"The map is done."


	5. Plotting

Remus sipped on his tea and warmed his freezing hands on the cup while he watched the morning owls fly in through the great entrance. He watched as two owls settled on their table, one for James, one for Peter.

Remus had sent his parents a letter yesterday so he didn't expect for them to answer yet. If they even had to answer; Remus had simply told them everything was alright. He never told them if something out of the ordinary happened. He didn't want to be more of a burden than he already was.

"Whatcha got Pete?" Sirius asked, swallowing the last piece of his toast, leaning his elbows on the table. "A love letter?" He teased.

"Sod off. It's from my mom." Peter ripped the envelope open, bringing out the long letter. "Did she write me a whole book?" Peter mumbled in disbelief as he started reading it.

As the owls departed Remus turned his attention to James. He watched as he flattened out his copy of The Daily Prophet in front of him on the table.

"Anything interesting?" Sirius asked from where he swirled a finger in his hair, looking bored.

Taking another sip from his tea, Remus looked at James as he opened his mouth to speak, eyes travelling over the newspaper in front of chin. James then suddenly glanced up at Remus, eyes widening and quickly lifted the newspaper to press against his chest.

James swallowed nervously and stared resolutely at Sirius. "Nope. Nothing interesting at all." James said as a matter of fact before he slowly started sliding the newspaper down his chest to his lap, his eyes boring into Sirius.

Remus frowned. "What is it? What does it say?" He asked. Even Peter paused reading his letter in favor of frowning at James who seemed to nearly be in pain.

"I told you. It was nothing." James shrugged. "Just something about, uh, pygmy puffs. Yeah. Pygmy puffs."

"You expect us to believe that? Come on Prongs. You're a shit liar, and even worse an actor. Just show us already." Sirius leaned forward on the table, reaching for the newspaper, and grabbed the corners of the newspaper and yanked it out of James' grip before he had any time to react.

"No!" James shouted a bit too loud, the sound resulting in about twenty heads around them turning to stare at them. Remus didn't pay them any mind. He was too curious about what James was hiding. Was there a picture of him in there or something?

Sirius leaned back in his chair and lifted the newspaper up in the air and squinted at the text.

"New Ministry law proposal: obligatory werewolf registrations for every infected over the ages of ten. If not and found out: execution." Sirius read before he abruptly stopped.

Remus felt his heart stop. Then beat out of his ribcage. He stared at the thick headlines of the paper as Sirius lowered it down on the table. He felt his vision start to blur some, and he struggled not to visibly flinch as he felt a sharp jab of pain hit his chest.

He wanted to ask. He wanted to know if the proposal had gone through. He wanted to know what would happen to him if anyone found out about him. He was older than ten, and since he wasn't registered, would that make him a criminal? Would he be sent to Azkaban? Would he be executed?

"Moony?" Remus heard Sirius whisper from somewhere to his right. He felt a hand come down on his shoulder.

"You shouldn't have showed him." James muttered, and then Remus heard Peter make a sound that sounded like he got strangled.

"Moony, you alright?" Sirius asked uncertainly. Remus felt anything but alright, but he didn't want to put his problems on Sirius. He didn't want to weight him down. To make Sirius get tired on him for complaining all the time.

"I'm fine." Remus said, voice lower than expected. Swallowing, he tore his gaze from the newspaper and looked up at Sirius. He wanted to smile at him but only managed a sad, broken thing to splay on his lips, so he looked down again.

"It's only a proposal. It's not official. It's not law." James tried to reassure him, but Remus didn't feel reassured.

It's not official yet. It's not law yet. But it probably will be.

"I'm fine." Remus repeated, this time managing to force a weak smile to his lips. "Don't worry for me. I'll manage. I always do." He whispered, sounding insecure. But it was true. He didn't know how he did it, but no matter what fate threw at him he walked out of it alive.

"Sure you okay?" Sirius asked before James reached over the table to pat Remus' hand that he hadn't realized he'd curled into a fist. The he saw Peter place something on the table in front of him, and he realized it was a chocolate frog.

Remus still felt shocked, afraid and a great deal of hopelessness, but when he saw how genuinely his friends cared about him he couldn't help but to smile. Somehow they made it all seem so much easier. What should've felt awful suddenly felt simple. So Remus inhaled a big breath and then tried to shake the awful news off him.

The fact that James tucked the damned newspaper away in his bag made it easier for him to try and forget it as well.

"I'm fine." Remus said a third time. Though, this time he meant it as he smiled at Peter, James and lastly at Sirius who he realized all cared about him. He was lucky to have such great friends like them.

''''''''''

"Okay, everything set? Wormy and I'll take the Slytherin table and you take the entrance, alright?" James double checked as he stepped out of the invisibility cloak, draped it off the four of them and tucked it back in his bag. Remus shot a worried glance over his back but it was in vain. He knew they were alone. No one ever came to the Great Hall at one in the morning. Or well, at least he hoped so. He wouldn't fancy getting detention.

"Roger that!" Sirius exclaimed cheerfully, steering his steps towards the great entrance doors. "Coming Moony?" He asked, though, Remus found himself standing still on the spot as his mind worked.

"Wait. Won't it be suspicious if we only do the Slytherin table? I mean, McGonagall will know it's us within a second and then we might lose a hundred points again, just like last year." Remus said, feeling uncertain.

"But do we have time?" Sirius asked.

"Don't know." Remus shrugged. "We will definitely manage two tables, but the spell is quite complicated and we don't know whether Filch or anyone else might wander in here all of a sudden."

James rubbed his chin in thought, slammed a hand on Peter's shoulder, his eyes growing determined. "I get what you're thinking Moony, and it's obvious you're the mastermind among us. We have to charm _all_ the tables. And we'll manage." He said, making Remus' cheeks heat up from the compliment. "Wormy can check the map, right?" James turned to Peter who fiddled with the map in his hands, nodding.

"Alright, so Moony and I take the entrance, you and Wormy take the Slytherin table and then we'll join you when we're done?" Sirius checked, and after receiving an approving nod from James he turned around again, heading for the doors, Remus following him.

When they reached the entrance doors they held out their wands in front of them and voiced the spell that made the floor slowly turn into slippery ice. And where the small, two meters long ice ended they made a pile of dirty mud appear. Remus desperately hoped no one would guess who the pranksters were. Something told him the professors wouldn't find this as funny as they did.

When they were done they high fived and headed back for the house tables. James and Peter were done with the Slytherin table and halfway done with the Ravenclaw one, so Remus and Sirius walked over to the Hufflepuff table where they got started. Together they charmed the fabric of every seat along the table into sticky glue that was sure to make the students get stuck on the seats until someone found the anti-charm.

Sirius looked smug from where he grinning charmed chair after chair. Remus felt a lingering excitement bubble up in his chest, a feeling he associated with executing pranks in secret with his friends at one in the morning. However, as they made to start on the Gryffindor table the excitement exchanged for dread.

He watched as the chair by his usual seat started glistening with glue, not liking the idea of sitting down on it the next morning.

When they were done with the table they walked over to James and Peter who'd finished with their share. And after Peter checked the map James draped the invisibility cloak over them and they headed back. Remus was tired, but he still found himself smiling as he thought about their tradition of executing Halloween pranks.

''''''''''

The next morning Remus was woken up by an overly cheerful James who ran around the room chanting about how much he loved Halloween. Remus grunted and tried to go back to sleep, but then he heard Sirius jump up from his bed to join James in his happy chanting.

When Peter's drowsy voice joined the choir Remus covered his ears with his hands, shutting his eyes closed so hard he saw stars.

"I heard someone walk by our door! Hurry lads!" James laughed.

"Yeah, we need to get there fast if we want to see the first reactions!" Sirius joined in.

"Yeah!" Peter agreed before he voiced a loud yawn.

When the room quietened down some Remus sighed. He dropped his hands from his ears and made to go back to sleep, but then he felt the side of his bed dip. He wondered who'd sat down on it when he got a whiff of Sirius' scent.

"Padfoot?" He mumbled, voice muffled by the pillow.

Sirius chuckled at him. "How did you know it was me?" He asked as a hand came down to slowly try and drag the covers off Remus who shrugged, not wanting to bring up the fact that his little werewolf-issue heightened his senses this early in the morning.

"Okay, never mind." Sirius muttered, then quickly pulled the covers down to Remus' feet, making him squeak as the cold air in the dorm hit his naked feet.

"Merlin!" Remus shouted before he quickly sat up to try and bring the covers back up, but failing since Sirius grabbed them and threw them off the bed.

" _Sirius_." Remus warned, glaring at him. He was _not_ a morning person.

"It's a big day today and we can't have you dozing off in bed the whole day." Sirius sang. Remus searched the room for a clock, found one on Peter's nightstand and squinted.

"It's only half past seven!" He said incuriously. Sirius didn't look remorseful about the fact they had only been asleep for roughly five hours.

"You getting up by yourself or you want me to drag you up?" Sirius asked, quirking a brow at him.

Remus wanted to say 'Like you could, please try', fitting his snarky mood. But he stopped himself in the last moment and instead started stretching on the bed.

"Alright then!" Sirius suddenly reached forward, wrapped his hands around Remus' waist, making him shriek as he was extremely ticklish.

"Sirius!" He hissed as he reached down to try and swat his hands away, but he didn't budge. Instead he started pulling Remus towards the end of the bed as he stood up on the floor. When Remus realized he was probably going to be thrown onto the floor he yielded and wrapped his arms around Sirius' shoulders tightly.

"Let me down!" Remus shouted as Sirius lifted him off the bed, making him wrap his legs around his waist, locking them around his back in his effort not to fall to the ground.

Sirius laughed at him. "I'll let you down when we reach the Great Hall." Sirius started walking towards the door, stumbling once on purpose, making Remus squeak and tighten his arms and legs around him. He glanced around and found Peter, tried to beg him for help but he was too engrossed in a package of bertie botts beans to even notice him.

When Sirius got to the door Remus glanced down and saw that Sirius still wore a pajamas himself. "You're planning on showing up in the Great Hall like that? What about your fan club?" Remus found himself asking as a way to distract Sirius from keep walking. It worked.

"I figured they would fancy the idea of seeing me in my nightly attire considering they have never seen it before." Sirius said smoothly. "I'm a kind man after all."

Remus felt himself grow irritated. Why couldn't Sirius just let him down? He was already too awake to go back to sleep anyway.

"Let me down!" Remus complained. When Sirius grinned at him, shaking his head, he loosened his grip around him and started wriggling around like mad. "Come on!" Remus said.

"No," Sirius muttered before he slid his hands down from Remus' waist to wrap under his bum, pressing Remus in closer, the gesture strangely making Remus stop struggling as he felt his cheeks heat up and heart skip a beat.

Swallowing, he glanced down at Sirius who looked as confused as him before he suddenly dropped his grip around Remus, making him fall to the ground where he landed with a huff.

"Sorry." Sirius mumbled as he lifted a hand to rub his nape. For some reason Remus found it difficult to meet his eyes so he stared at the floor as he nodded at Sirius before he quickly rushed over to his bed where he picked up the covers from the floor. He gathered his school uniform and changed into that behind his drawn curtains and then went for the bathroom where he went on with his quick, but efficient, morning routine.

Ten minutes later the four of them were all ready to leave so James opened the door and walked out of their dorm, the others following him. Sirius apologized to Remus once more but he shrugged it off. How he woke up didn't matter anymore, or the fact that Sirius had been a nuisance.

As they got closer to the Great Hall and Remus heard a set of surprised shouts, yelps and screams coming from that general direction it became more difficult to keep a straight face. He made it his task to scold the others as they broke out in a laughing fit, silencing them up by sending an elbow to their ribs.

Though, as they walked past a furious looking Filch they stopped laughing and instead all straightened their postures, got a blank facial expression on their faces and started talking about everyday things such as what to do with their afternoon. Filch sent them a death glare each, muttering about punishments as he rushed to the Entrance Hall.

When they reached it as well they found it crowded by students who seemed to waver, not sure whether they dared walk inside or not.

James walked up front and used his elbows to pry a way through the crowd, leading them to the entrance. When they reached it James gasped over dramatically, Peter mumbled a weak 'what happened here?', Remus whistled and Sirius shouted in surprise and jumped in the air.

"Wow!" He exclaimed before he took a step out on the ice, sliding on the flat soles of his shoes. James and Peter followed him while Remus walked over to the right corner where he could slide on the ice for a second before he jumped and stumbled to the stone floor next to it.

"Wormy you pushed me!" James exclaimed as the crowd of students lingering by the entrance started laughing. Looking over his shoulder Remus found James lying flat on his stomach in the pile of mud, the scene making a smile tug on Remus' lips.

"No I didn't!" Peter squeaked as he fumbled around in the air before he fell and landed on top of James.

"Oh Moony, you pushed me!" Sirius exclaimed with a staged gasp before he slid on the ice and fell next to James, successfully landing on the mud. Remus grimaced as he watched the brown mud stain their white shirts, get stuck in their hair and smear all over James' glasses. He wondered if they'd dived in the mud because they thought it was fun, like some proper five years olds, or because they thought it would be a great disguise if anyone blamed the prank on them.

He wanted to help them up but figured he would get dirty then as well. Though, when he saw Filch make his way to the front of the crowd, waving a fist in the air, Remus rushed to his friends to help them up.

When he'd hauled Sirius, Peter and James up from the mud, and received a muddy pat on his shoulder as thanks, the four of them made their way over to the Gryffindor table where they sat down on their usual seats. Remus tried not to grimace when he felt his robe get stuck to the glue on his chair.

They ate in silence for a while, all of them sending glances around them, watching as more students slid on the ice, fell in the mud or got stuck on their chairs. They only started talking when Professor McGonagall walked past them, her eyes narrowing as she passed by. Remus thought she shook her head disapprovingly at him especially but tried to calm himself down by imagining she probably didn't like the piece of wall behind him.

When Remus had managed to eat two sausages and drink half a cup of tea he heard a surprised shout come from somewhere in front of him, making him, James, Sirius and Peter crane their necks and widen their eyes as they tried to make out who'd screamed.

"Look at Snivellus!" Sirius snickered before he scolded his expression back to normal again. Remus fought the need to laugh out loud when the furious Slytherin girl next to Snape tried to get up from her seat but couldn't, her angry shouts echoing in the now silent Great Hall. Next to her Snape got up from his chair, took a step back and grunted when the chair stuck to his bum.

When Snape got Rosier to grip the chair and try to pull it off him they couldn't suppress the laughter anymore. Remus slammed a hand over his mouth as he shook in his seat, the picture of the furious Slytherins too funny not to laugh to.

"Excuse me gentlemen?"

Remus quickly stopped laughing when he heard someone clear their throat in front of him. Glancing up he found Professor McGonagall stand behind Peter, her expression cold, eyes stern and posture stiff. Remus swallowed nervously, hurriedly wiped his eyes and straightened his posture. He nudged Sirius in the shoulders, got him to do the same.

"Hello Professor!" Sirius greeted cheerfully. McGonagall didn't seem fazed.

"I take it that you have noticed the ruckus here this morning?" She asked, lifting one eyebrow at them expectantly. When she locked her determined eyes with Remus he felt the need to answer.

"Yes ma'am. The ice and mud came as a great surprise to us this morning." Remus lied, trying to look as innocent as possible and hoped his eyes wouldn't betray him.

"Ice and mud you say? Do you mean that you have not noticed the glue stuck to the seats on nearly every chair in the hall?" McGonagall asked, not amused, narrowing her eyes at him suspiciously. Remus swallowed and flicked his eyes to Peter for help. When he found him quivering in his seat nervously he flicked them to James who was busy trying not to laugh out loud.

"What are you saying professor? There's glue stuck to all the seats?" Sirius asked with a dramatic gasp that made James bite down on his lip as he tried to hold back the laughter. McGonagall finally tore her gaze from Remus to stare at Sirius instead.

She narrowed her eyes at him for a minute. Sirius met her gaze with his well-practiced I'm-innocent-and-don't-know-what-you're-talking-about look.

"You want me to believe that you don't know who did it?" She asked with sarcasm.

"Yes, because we don't professor. But whoever it was the person is clearly a genius." Sirius added, making Remus grimace in pain. Did he want detention?

"The whole school knows you four as the infamous troublemakers, and you want me to believe that this is not a work of yours?" McGonagall exhaled in disbelief. When none of them answered she took a step back.

"Five points from Gryffindor. Each." She said, making the four of them gasp in protest. Before Remus had anytime to defend them she cleared her throat again.

"This is a warning. Unless you want to lose more points I suggest you to stop with this childish behavior. You should know better than to embarrass Godric's house like this. Goodbye." She said with a fierce nod before she took off, probably about to fetch other personnel to help the students that were covered in mud or glue.

Remus swallowed and felt his chest constrict painfully. "Twenty points," He breathed in disbelief. It was more than he'd managed to gather in lessons during the whole term.

"At least it wasn't more." James shrugged as he finally seemed to be back to normal.

"Yeah, at least it wasn't detention for a month with Filch." Peter said. Remus didn't feel convinced.

"But she didn't have any proof." Sirius said thoughtfully before he lifted his glass with pumpkin juice to his mouth.

"We planned it perfectly." Remus sighed. "You even got yourselves covered in mud." He said as if it made a major difference.

"Oh well. What can I say? Minnie's too clever." James sighed as he leaned back on his chair, turned his head to the side, probably searching the hall for any signs of Lily.

"Who's Minnie?" Peter asked with a frown.

"Tch, McGonagall of course. Who else?" James patted Peter on the head like he was a small child that failed to understand the most basic things.

"Did you think her name was McGonagall?" Sirius teased with a chuckle. Remus felt his lips curl into a smile as Peter's face turned red in embarrassment.

"No! I know her name, I just didn't know she was called Minnie..." He mumbled to the table.

As James, Sirius and Peter teased each other Remus felt easier at heart. He told himself that he could always get the lost points back. That it wasn't a big deal. That it wasn't his fault.

He felt the last ounces of his guilt fade away as he watched tiny Professor Flitwick rush towards the entrance where he tried to transfigure the ice and mud away. Filch was still on the other side, too afraid to risk walking over it.

The scene made Remus smile again, and he didn't stop smiling until they had finished breakfast and were to stand up from their chairs. Then he frowned. He'd forgotten about the counter spell to remove the glue. They would have to ask McGonagall for help.


	6. Moonrise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The rating goes up to [Mature] now!

"I'm leaving now." Remus informed his friends with a sad sigh as he wrapped his outdoor cloak around him. He only wore his thin pajamas underneath, and he knew it would be freezing cold in the November air, but he couldn't risk accidentally ripping his school uniform to pieces.

"You okay?" Peter, that was closest to him lying on his bed eating candy, asked with a small frown. Remus shrugged.

"I'm like usual." He said, trying to scold his voice not to tremble, giving away the fact that he was shaking badly from top to bottom. It felt like bugs were crawling under his skin as it alternated between tightening, loosening and stretching over his limbs in anticipation of the transformation.

"And that's okay?" Peter asked, not buying it. Remus shrugged again and turned his back to him and started walking towards the door. He checked his watch and felt his stomach twitch when it was already four PM. He had to hurry.

"It's a long one tonight, yeah?" James asked when Remus walked past his bed. James got up from it and walked over to Remus who looked at him and wanted to tell him yes but stayed silent as his insides decided to twist themselves at that exact moment. He bit his lip and frowned. He wondered if he looked as sick as he felt.

"Moony... you're really pale." James said with concern, letting a hand pat Remus' shoulder twice, forcing Remus to look him in the eyes. Suddenly Remus hoped he wouldn't accidentally vomit on him.

The door to the dorm opened and closed and then Sirius came rushing towards them. "You're leaving now already?" He asked with concern. Remus didn't know how he felt about that. He was grateful for the idea of his friends caring about him so much, but somewhere along the way he wondered if it was really caring or pitying.

"Have you been to Pomfrey's?" Sirius asked. Remus shook his head. He was going to drop by there on his way.

"It's over twelve hours." James whispered as he turned to face Sirius whose eyes widened in shock. Remus felt something painful jab his chest, making him curl his hands into fists. He didn't fancy the idea of being stuck as Moony for over half that long. Yet he could do nothing to prevent it.

Sirius and James whispered something to each other for a minute and Remus made to start walking again, but found himself come to a stop when Sirius suddenly wrapped him in a quick hug.

"Only two more years. Or perhaps one and a half even." Sirius said as he leaned back again, his gray orbs staring at Remus with a mixture of determination and sorrow. Remus realized he meant the fact that him, James and Peter trained to become animagi for him.

For a second Remus felt overwhelmed by anxiety over the fact that it was illegal, that they all risked a life sentence in Azkaban for it, that he betrayed Dumbledore by not telling him considering he'd been kind enough to allow Remus a place at Hogwarts, and also felt uneasy about the thought of letting his friends watch him transform. Or see him as Moony. Perhaps they would think of him differently if they got to see him as a wolf. After all, it was probably easier for them to think of him as human if they'd never seen him as the monster he really is.

"Hey, Moony?"

Remus snapped out of his thoughts, feeling Sirius shake his shoulders slightly.

"What is it Padfoot?" Remus asked. He startled when the faint croak that was his voice met his ear. He suddenly felt a pull on him that made him snap his head around to stare out their window. He had to hurry.

"You can do this. You're strong. You're unbelievable." Sirius told him honestly, the kind words managing to reach Remus' heart even though he felt overwhelmed by the approaching transformation.

"Yeah, you're a Gryffindor!" James joined in with a grin that looked a tad too forced for Remus' taste.

"You're brave!" Peter added as he joined them in the middle of their dorm.

Remus was moved by the words but he didn't agree. He didn't feel strong, brave or anything like that from where he fought the urge to fall down to the floor in a pile and groan from how his whole body hurt. His arms shook too much for him to reach out and hug any of them, and his throat burned, making it impossible for him to thank them.

He looked at the encouraging smiling, but still concerned, faces of his friends for a moment, wanting to smile back. But when he felt something in his back snap he involuntarily winced and quickly took a step back and rushed for the door. He pulled the hood of the dark robe over his head, covering his sickly face, before he opened the door.

"I have to go now." He croaked weakly, not turning around, not wanting to see the broken faces his friends. Absentmindedly he hoped he would make it back to them.

"Good luck!"

"See you tomorrow!"

"You're strong!"

James, Sirius and Peter shouted after him as the door slammed shut behind him. He had no time to spare so he rushed down the flights of stairs in hurry. He even missed Lily that greeted him in the common room in his hurry to flee the scene. He didn't want to transform where there were others, innocent people. He didn't want to hurt anyone.

He ran down the many flights of stairs and only slowed down to a rushed walk when he reached the first floor. He pulled the cloak tighter around him as he brushed past a couple of nosy Ravenclaws that narrowed their eyes at him suspiciously.

He kept to the walls, stared at his worn shoes as he made his way over to the Hospital Wing. When he reached the thick door he knocked on it before he opened it, stepped inside and closed it after him. After glancing around some he saw that the curtains were drawn around two of the beds.

He walked deeper into the room and was just about to rush towards Pomfrey's office door to knock on it when a sweet voice reached his ears.

"Remus!"

He quickly turned around. He felt a small smile tug on his lips as he saw Madame Pomfrey walk towards him, probably having appeared from one of the beds.

He nodded at her, not trusting his voice to speak. She looked like a mother that'd just met her firstborn son from where she smiled at Remus fondly. However, as she lifted her hands to push back the hood from Remus' face her facial expression turned worried.

"Remus..." She breathed as she took in Remus' pale and sweaty face. He wondered if his eyes revealed the pain.

"I need to hurry." He croaked when he felt one of her hands come up to palm his forehead. She nodded, released him and rushed off to get something from her office. A minute later she returned with a glass filled with a green potion.

"Drink this." She said, holding out the glass. Remus gripped it with shaking fingers. He drank it, grimaced from the aftertaste, and handed the empty glass back to her. Though, he knew nothing would work. These painkilling potions couldn't even begin to put up a fight to the transformations. But he didn't say that out loud. He was happy that Pomfrey cared.

"Do you want me to come with you?" She asked uncertainly.

Remus pondered over the idea for a second. He thought it was nice to have someone to lean on as he used to waver on his way to the shack, but then he remembered that she had patients to tend to and that he shouldn't drag other people into this. He had already gone by himself once or twice, and he didn't like the risk of accidentally having counted the remaining minutes wrong and ultimately end up transforming in front of her.

"No, but thank you for the offer." He said, earning him a fond pat on the cheek.

"I'll see you first thing in the morning then, alright?" She said, her eyes boring into Remus' who suddenly found a sharp jab of desperation hit him. He didn't want to leave. He wanted to stay here with Pomfrey caring about him like a mother. He didn't want to have to strip down naked in a freezing shack only for him to turn into a monster against his will.

"You have to go now." She said, swiping a tear from Remus' eye. He startled. He hadn't realized he'd been crying.

Swallowing down the nervous lump in his throat, he nodded at her, trying to look brave. "See you."

"Are you absolutely sure I shouldn't come with you?" She asked, making Remus nearly changing his mind. But no. He should go alone. He shook his head.

"See you first thing in the morning, okay? Promise?" She asked, the tone of her voice making her sound more like a big sister than one of the personnel at Hogwarts. Though, Remus knew there was more to her offer than just playfulness. She wanted to give him motivation to survive. She wanted to make sure he would come back.

Remus sighed. He didn't like it but he understood what she was doing. He'd gone through transformations since the age of six and sometimes he wondered just how much his body could take. He wondered why it didn't just give up already. Why _he_ didn't just give up already.

"Promise." He said weakly before he pulled the hood back on, covering his face. He received an affectionate, but sad, smile from Pomfrey as she hugged him goodbye and walked him over to the door that she held open for him.

He took off again.

He tried not to scream when he felt something in his left arm snap. He tried not to panic when he spotted a clock that told him he was running out of time. Not caring about the disapproving students, teachers and ghosts that he passed by in the mostly deserted corridors, he started running.

When he reached the entrance hall he pressed himself flat to a wall, trying to make himself invisible to the mass of students waiting outside the Great Hall to eat an early dinner. Remus didn't like the feeling of having to act like an intruder, a spy or something else awful in the corridors where he usually felt safe.

He despised it when the moon rose before dinner. But still, he guessed it could've been worse. Tomorrow was Saturday which meant that he wouldn't have to worry about skipping classes. That was always something.

He slipped out of the entrance doors, ran down the stairs and onto the path that led down the fields that was Hogwarts grounds. His heart was racing, lungs hurting and legs screaming but he didn't stop running. Partly because of the fact that he was running out of time, partly because he could blame the pains on the fact that he was running and not have to realize it's because of the approaching transformation.

He jumped off the main rode and took off for the Whomping Willow. He found a long stick on the ground that he used to reach the knot and press down on it. He quickly slid through the hidden passage and hauled himself up and started running again.

After what felt like an excruciating eternity he reached the trapdoor. He opened it and hauled himself through it before he closed it behind him, turned around and ran up the stairs to the top floor.

He tried not to retch when the horrible stench reached his nostrils. The entire shack reeked of blood, mold, and something sour he preferred not to think about, suspecting it was urine, the suspicion making him nearly choke out of disgust. He never wanted his friends to see this.

He kept his hands pressed to his sides as he walked up the stairs. Then he extended his right hand to open the door to the bedroom, slipped inside and locked it behind him. Pomfrey had a key.

He sighed in defeat as he took in the appearance of the room in front of him. He didn't know whether to cry, scream or flee when he saw the many claw marks on the walls, floor, wardrobe and bed. Blood was smattered and smeared on every surface, making it look like someone had taken the effort to try and really cover every centimeter of the room in it.

Remus felt bile rise up in his throat as he saw a mess of bloody footprints and paw prints on the floor. He slowly made his way over to the wardrobe and dropped the hood from his head and started dressing down. It was freezing cold, but he didn't mind. He was numb already.

His mind was too focused on the painful ache in his chest that grew as he looked around the room. He felt ashamed. Ashamed over the fact that he'd done that to the room. That those claw marks was his. That the blood that covered every surface was his.

He felt fear grip his heart as he realized that if he showed this to anyone, that if anyone got to know this side of him they would feel sick. They would leave him at the best, report him to the ministry getting him executed at the worst.

Remus didn't want James, Sirius or Peter to see this. They would think of him differently. They would never think of him as human ever again.

He heard himself let out a joyless laugh in the cold air.

_Who am I fooling? I've never been human to begin with. I'm a monster._

He folded his robe and placed it on the floor before he stepped out of his shoes, his bare feet landing on the freezing floor, making him shiver. He unbuttoned the first button of his pajama top with fingers that shook like mad. His teeth started clattering, but nothing was worse than the knowledge of what he was about to turn into.

He involuntarily groaned as something in his right leg twisted. Hurriedly, he undid the last buttons, pulled off his pajama bottoms and briefs, and folded them to lay on top of the robe. He gripped the pile of clothes and reached out his arms to place the clothes on the top of the wardrobe. He'd lost many clothes before but found that this place was the only one Moony couldn't reach. Though, if the many scratch marks on the wardrobe were anything to go by Moony could definitely smell human on clothes from the floor.

Now naked, Remus walked over to the bed on the other side of the room. It was so cold in the room that smoke escaped him as he breathed. He climbed up the bed and lied down on his back. He was freezing but he didn't bother pulling the cover over him; it was ripped to pieces under him.

Glancing out the small window in the top right corner he could make out the dark sky and a star or two. To distract himself he wondered what constellation it was, but when he felt something constrict around his ribs he looked away. He could feel the pull of the moon on his body. Could feel his mind struggling to handle the increasing pain. Could feel Moony start to take over.

He glanced down his body. He grimaced when he saw how thin and pale he was. Scars covered his skin everywhere he looked, some of them stretching for several decimeters. He felt a dash of disgust hit him, not liking how ugly he was.

He tore his eyes away when he saw his skin start bubbling, looked up the ceiling. He hated the fact that poor Pomfrey would have to come down and meet him in the morning. That she would have to see him like this, naked, scarred and probably covered in his own blood like a freak.

He heard a loud crack and screamed in agony as the pain made it clear it was his rib that had dislocated itself. Another loud crack echoed in the room as another rib dislocated itself to point out of his chest, the tip of it tearing at his skin until it broke it.

Remus curled into a whining ball as tears started streaming down his cheeks. "No," He pleaded weakly to no one in particular as sharp pain flared up from his right foot. He curled his hands into fists but stopped when he felt them start burning as the bones in them cracked, changed position and broke through his skin.

Screaming in pain, he rolled around on the bed. Both of his legs snapped as they bent the wrong way, the pain threatening him to faint. Briefly he wondered if this was what dying felt like, but figured it was probably less painful. This was probably what dying felt like if you came to hell.

He rolled off the bed and collided with the floor with a hard thud just as his spine cracked, arched, and broke through his skin that gave up from the pressure. Remus felt blood trickle down his skin as his bones found their new positions.

He screamed and screamed, laying still on the floor, convulsing in pain, crying for help. He opened his eyes but closed them again when he saw his fingernails grow into claws, tawny colored fur growing out on his skin, covering his hands. He felt his shoulders hunch forward, leaving him on all fours, making him whine in pain.

He only stopped screaming when he felt his ears lift up to the top of his head, his face form into a snout, turning the agonizing screams into howls.

He felt a rush of something sweep over his body and he realized it was the fur that grew out quickly.

The last couples of cracks made him whimper in pain he felt a powerful pull of the moon. Then he knew. It had risen.

As he got up from the blood stained floor he felt the last remains of his mind fall back.

Then he wasn't Remus anymore. He was Moony.

'''''''''

Remus awoke feeling warm. In fact so warm that he was sweating. Though, he didn't move the heavy blankets off him. He didn't want to move his limbs.

Slowly, almost tentatively, he moves his right palm over the smooth fabric of the mattress he lied on. The bed was cozy at first, but then he felt how stiff the strings felt from where they pushed on his back. He suppressed a groan as his arm flared up in pain from moving it the tiniest bit.

He took a moment to listen to his surroundings, watch the inside of his eyelids. His body ached from new wounds, and he wondered how badly off he was and how long he'd been there when a familiar voice met his ears.

"Remus are you awake?" Madame Pomfrey asked from where he guessed she stood by the door in the small, excluded room in the Hospital Wing. He was awake but he stayed silent.

"Please tell me you're awake. Your three friends have been bothering me for hours already."

That made Remus open his eyes and peek at her. She smiled at him, looking relieved before she opened the door to which James, Sirius and Peter immediately rushed past her on their hurry to reach Remus' bed.

"Moony!" They greeted when Pomfrey walked out and closed the door behind her. Remus watched them as James and Peter found two chairs they pulled to the side of the bed and as Sirius sat down on it. Remus tried to smile at them but found that he couldn't. He felt beat.

"How're you doing Moony?" Sirius asked as he somehow managed to bring out Remus' left hand from the sheets, holding it between his own.

Remus shrugged, but when the action made him wince in pain and eyes water he croaked a broken "I'm great.", wanting to cover up the wince and convince his friends not to worry about him.

Sirius gave him his best don't-give-me-that-shit-look but stayed silent. He settled for worryingly furrowing his brows as he stared at their clasped hands.

"Want some chocolate Moony?" Peter asked after a beat of silence. Remus glanced behind Sirius and saw James and Peter get up from their chairs, walk over to him and drop a generous pile of chocolate frogs and chocolate bars next to him on the bed.

Remus felt his heart jump with a mixture of excitement and gratefulness, and he felt his stomach growl when he realized he probably hadn't eaten in a very long time.

He lifted his right hand, wanting to eat some of the chocolate, but found it flapping down to hit the mattress when the action made pain flare up in it again. Grimacing, he dropped the idea of eating and instead watched as James and Peter walked back to their chair by the end of the bed.

"Fancy a chocolate frog?" Sirius asked when he saw Remus close his eyes again.

"I already got some." Remus croaked out. Opening his eyes some, Remus found Sirius grinning at him. Sirius dropped Remus' hand, making Remus wonder if Sirius was about to empty his pockets from more chocolate frogs but then he saw him pick up one of the frogs in front of him and start to unwrap it.

Sirius held out the frog in his hand and looked at Remus expectantly. Then Remus got it.

"You're not going to feed me." He said hoarsely before a cough hit him, making his entire body flare up in pain again. He'd felt determined but as he flung his head back against the pillow he glanced longingly at the frog in Sirius' hand. Bugger, who cared if Sirius fed him? It was only James and Peter there after all. And he could really need some chocolate right now.

So Remus opened his mouth and glanced up at Sirius that looked slightly insecure but immediately lifted the frog to guide it to Remus' lips. As Remus looked Sirius in the eyes he felt his cheeks heat up, making him feel strangely embarrassed suddenly.

"We can look away." James muttered from the end of the bed.

Flicking his eyes to look at them Remus saw James and Peter move so that they had their backs turned to him. At first Remus felt thankful for the fact they didn't have to watch him being fed like a pathetic baby, but then he felt even more embarrassed by the fact they didn't want to watch. Why didn't they want to watch? Was he being weird again?

Though, as the tip of his tongue came in contact with the chocolate he dropped all complicated thoughts and instead focused on that. He took a big bite of the frog, chewed and swallowed before Sirius fed him another bite, and then the rest of it.

Sirius watched him with a smile that made a smile slowly creep its way up Remus' lips as well.

When he'd swallowed the last piece of the chocolate frog Remus hummed approvingly and thanked Sirius. He felt better than he had for days, but as Sirius reached out a hand to him again felt his smile waver and he stilled.

"Wait, you have some there," Sirius murmured, gripping Remus' chin, swiping his thumb over the right corner of Remus' lips, wiping away some chocolate. As Sirius' thumb swept over his lips along the way Remus felt himself inhale sharply, his heart skipping a beat.

His cheeks burned like never before when Sirius retreated his hand to wipe it on the blanket. Remus swallowed and tried to calm his racing heart. What was going on?

He lowered his gaze from Sirius' eyes and instead watched as James and Peter turned around on their chairs again. When James gave him a funny look Remus settled for staring up the ceiling. His body felt really weird and he didn't like it.

Why was his heart racing? Was he getting a heart attack?

"What time is it?" He found himself asking, wanting to distract himself, voice still hoarse.

The room was quiet for a while before Peter cleared his throat.

"Around three. In the afternoon."

"Brilliant." Remus sighed, closing his eyes. He was overwhelmed by how tired he felt and he couldn't force his eyelids to stay open any longer.

"You want to catch some more sleep?" James asked from around his feet. When he didn't receive an answer Remus heard him pull the chair out and got up from it.

"See you later Moony." Peter said before he by the sound of it got up as well.

Remus felt his heartrate go back to normal and his breaths grew deeper. His mind tuned out as sleep wanted to take him, but before he could fall asleep he felt a warm hand close around his own.

"Bye Moony," Sirius said so honestly that Remus forced his left eyelid open to get a brief glimpse of Sirius' worried expression that made Remus' heart clench with guilt. He was the reason Sirius looked like that.

"Sweet dreams." Sirius whispered close to his ear before he released his hand and jumped off the bed with a huff.

Remus turned his head to the side on the pillow and tried to snuggle deeper down the mattress without moving, not wanting open any of his wounds he hadn't bothered to check.

He heard the door close behind his friends before he slowly fell in a worrisome sleep, filled with odd scenes where James, Sirius, Peter and the rest of the school walked into the shack to find him there, watching him transform, exposing his greatest secret.

Remus quivered in his sleep. He just wanted to be normal. He didn't want to be afraid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked this chapter even though it was kind of sad... :( Things will get better though!


	7. Hiding

Remus closed the door behind him, turned around and took a deep, steadying breath. He slowly took a step forward.

It was Monday morning and he was finally leaving the Hospital Wing after sweet talking Pomfrey to let him leave, telling her how his wounds didn't hurt at all, making her release him one day earlier than she'd originally wanted to.

He didn't want to miss lessons unless he really had to. Though, when he felt pain flare up in his right leg as he took a step he regretted his decision. His leg hadn't fully healed yet. And nor had his ribs when he thought about it. His chest and right leg was covered with thick bandages, but hopefully he would get to keep his clothes on for the rest of the day. And if no one knew about his wounds he could go on with school just like any other thirteen year old boy could.

He checked his watch. It was seven and he was to meet his friends in the Great Hall in half an hour. Herbology started in an hour meaning he was early. Good considering the fact that his wounds slowed him down.

After making sure no one was around to watch him he took another step forward, and then another as he started making his way to the Great Hall. Moony had been angry during full and gnawed on his right leg, resulting in him limping now. Every step he took sent jolts of pain up his spine. He gritted his teeth and kept walking. He could do this. If he just took small steps he could do this.

Somehow he made his way through the endless corridor and into the entrance hall. He felt a sheen of sweat cover his body from the effort of walking on his wounded leg and taking harsh breaths that made his ribs scream in agony. But he didn't care. His friends might already sit by the Gryffindor table, waiting for him, being early as well, and he did not want to waste another day in bed when he could spend time with them.

As the hall filled with more students Remus slowed down his steps further, straightening his posture as much he could manage and tried to turn his expression blank. He knew he probably looked as pale as a ghost but he could at least try to look normal.

He almost made it to the entrance to the Great Hall when he felt someone brush past him, sending a hard nudge to his shoulder, making him stumble on his bad leg and wince in pain, stars flashing in front of his eyes.

"Watch your step!" Someone demanded from behind him. Turning around Remus felt his heart sink as he came face to face with a snarling Rosier, glaring Snape, and blank faced Regulus.

"You're here by yourself?" Rosier asked with a gasp.

"Where's Potter, Black and Pettigrew?" Snape asked, his eyes narrowing suspiciously. Remus swallowed and lifted a hand to correct the collar of his shirt. He wondered if he could get out of this situation by staying as still and silent as possible, pretending he wasn't there.

"Where's that pack of yours? Or don't they want to hang out with you anymore?" Rosier gasped again, the sound making Remus' left eye twitch.

"What happened?" Snape asked, taking a step forward.

Remus automatically took a step back but regretted it when it made his right leg hurt again. In the blur of pain he accidentally locked eyes with Regulus and found him quickly turn his gaze to stare at the floor. Remus didn't know whether to despise Regulus or not. Something told him he wanted to be there as much as Remus, which was not at all.

"Yeah? You look _sick_." Rosier stated, reaching out and pushing Remus' chest, making him fall to the floor with a small whine of pain as his right leg, spine and ribs flared with pain and made tears form in his eyes.

"Leave me alone," He groaned to the floor, trying to prevent the tears from falling.

"What did you say?" Rosier demanded, laughing haughtily out loud, the laughter as cold as the weather outside.

Glancing up, Remus saw Rosier and Snape take a step closer to him, making his insides churn with nervousness. Then, suddenly, Snape came to a stop, his eyes flicking to Remus' left hand.

Snape's eyes widened. He tore them from Remus' left hand quickly, startling Remus by looking horrified.

Remus glanced down at his left hand, wondering what had scared Snape, when he saw his left hand. He felt his heart clench in pain, his eyes widen in fear. Quickly, he covered his left hand under his right one in his lap, swallowing nervously.

_Damn it._

He'd forgotten about the fresh scar there. Three deep claw marks were clearly visible in the over side of his hand, and since gloves weren't a part of the school uniform Remus hadn't put those on. He scolded himself. He hoped Snape wasn't clever enough to put the pieces together.

"Lucky for you we have a lesson now." Rosier spat. Glancing through the strands of his fringe Remus saw Rosier, Snape and Regulus start making their way away from him.

"But I'm warning you. We're onto you, _Loony Loopy Lupin_!" Rosier laughed evilly. Remus gulped, feeling his heart sink to the bottom of his stomach.

 _Please don't figure it out,_ he thought _. Please don't report me to the ministry._

With much struggle he managed to haul himself up from the floor. He brushed off dust off his clothes and flattened them out before he made his way over to the doors to the Great Hall. His body ached even more now. He scolded himself again, this time for having stumbled to the floor.

He quickly wiped away the tears from his cheeks and hid his left hand in pocket of his robe before he made his way over to the Gryffindor table.

When he walked up to his usual spot he saw the smiling faces of James, Sirius and Peter who had arrived early, them all greeted him with pats on the back and reassuring words such as 'The hero has returned!' or 'Our brave knight is back from the war!'. Remus tried to smile at them but found it difficult from having just been cornered in the entrance hall.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Sirius, always observant when it came to Remus feeling bad, asked in a low voice.

Remus shook his head. He didn't want to bring it up. He didn't want to explain. But when he found Sirius, James and Peter all look at him with concerned eyes he suddenly felt the need to. He felt like he owed them that for caring about him. So he told them.

Afterwards Peter looked afraid, James came up with reasons why Snape couldn't have figured Remus' secret out, while Sirius was furious and spat curses over Snape, Rosier and especially Regulus who he called traitor time after time.

Remus knew it would've been best to keep it to himself but somehow telling made him feel lighter at heart. He wondered if this was the feeling you get when you didn't keep secrets.

''''''''''

"I'm going to the library." Remus informed James, Sirius and Peter who'd all started making their way back to the common room after their Defence Against the Dark Arts lesson had ended. Remus received three sets of concerned glances but shrugged it off.

"I'm fine." He tried to convince them. But he understood them. He felt exhausted after a day's worth of lessons, taking notes and walking, and would do best in resting. But he wanted to go to the library to work on the Transfiguration essay he should've finished during the weekend.

After a moment more arguing Remus found himself taking a different turn from his friends, them heading for the common room and him for the library. His right leg didn't hurt as much anymore, though it still throbbed painfully every now and then. But it didn't make his eyes tear up anyway. Always something.

He hid his left hand in the pocket of his robe once again and lifted the other one to nervously bite down on his nails. He kept his gaze locked to the floor in front of him but he couldn't help but to look up when he felt passersby stare at him. He tried to calm himself down by thinking that they only stared because of how sickly he looked, and not because they'd found out what he was.

Though, he was still worried that someone more would find out. And the worry made him feel a barrier between himself and the other students he walked past. He suddenly felt like an alien. He knew he didn't belong at Hogwarts. Not really. And he was only fooling people that thought of him as being just anyone, because really, he could never be like just anyone. Be like them. Be human.

He tried to divert attention from himself by nearly pressing himself against the wall. Usually he walked around in the middle of the corridor but since he felt so weak now, his legs shaking and arms trembling, he didn't want to be seen. He didn't want to gain the attention of others like Snape and Rosier.

He stopped chewing on his nails when he reached the entrance to the library. He lifted his left hand from his pocket and tried to yank the sleeve down to cover it, the sleeve too short, making him stop trying when it wouldn't budge.

He stepped inside the library, instantly rejoicing over how quiet it was. He nodded to Madame Pince and made his way over to his usual table by the far back of the library, hidden between two bookshelves, allowing him some privacy even though the air was all dusty and the chair smelled of mold.

He opened his bag, about to retrieve his book, parchment, quill and ink when he saw something odd. A book. Someone had forgotten a book on his table.

Frowning, Remus leaned over the small table to get a better look of it. After nearly three and a half years he'd gotten the impression that this table never got used save from when he used it.

When he tilted his head to make out the text he felt a strange pull on his body, the force of it making his heart rate quicken. Absentmindedly he reached out his right hand to pick the book up, but just as he was about to touch it he stopped. With a gasp he read the title.

'Dark Arts - Basic Spells and how to use them'

He quickly snapped his head around, making sure no one was watching, before he slowly sat down on the chair and placed his hand on top of the hardcover. After a fierce but brief conversation with himself he decided to flip it open. After all, he was only about to get a sneak peek. And if it contained something dangerous Pince would've put away the book already, right?

Hurriedly, he flipped the book open to the middle. He searched the pages for anything interesting and found himself reading the text 'Imperius' curse. After making sure no one was watching again he started reading about it. And even though he would never admit it out loud he thought it sounded interesting, horrible and awful of course, but all the same interesting. Vaguely he wondered why Gordon hadn't taught them about it already.

With his homework forgotten Remus found himself flipping through a couple of more pages in the suspicious book. He skipped over pages that were filled with descriptive spells and curses that poisoned or killed the victim, wondering if everything in the book was awful or if he would find anything interesting again.

He turned another set of pages in the book, jumped almost to the end, just about to close it shut when something caught his eye. Squinting, Remus made out the text that read 'Obliviate'. He started reading about how it was a powerful, dark, spell that made its victim lose some of, or all of their memories. It successfully wiped them out.

It was one of the most illegal spells in the wizarding world, and difficult to undo if regretting it, and the wizard that cast it had to really mean it by their whole being for it to work.

Absorbed in the strange book as he was he didn't hear the approaching footsteps until he saw a hand land on the table in front of him with an audible slam.

Remus slammed the book shut, pulled it close to him and bent over; covering it with his chest that hurt as the hardcover of the book pressed against his bruised chest.

"What are you doing?" The person asked curiously. Glancing up Remus found Lily looking at him, her green eyes searching his face for an answer.

"Ehm, hi Lily." Remus said weakly, swallowing, blinking at her abnormally fast.

"Haven't you forgotten something?" Lily asked expectantly, raising her eyebrows at him.

Remus' lips formed into straight line as he searched his brain for any left out information.

"Like what?" He asked when his brain failed to work for him.

"... Like our study session group? Every Monday four thirty since, like, two years back? It starts in five." Lily suggested. Remus mentally groaned. Of course, how could he have forgotten that?

"Right." He said, hoping Lily wouldn't get suspicious. "Should we go then, or...?" He asked but was interrupted by Lily leaning back again, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Where were you this weekend?" She asked. Remus' felt his heart clench painfully, his chest constricting with acute anxiety.

"W-what do you m-mean?" He stuttered, feeling his face heat up. Fear gripped his heart as she opened her mouth to speak again.

"You don't remember that you totally ditched me in the common room last Friday? I greeted you but you were really weird, had that suspicious looking robe on you and rushed right past me. What happened? Where were you? I got really worried you know." Lily said, her expression serious.

Remus felt his heart clench from the fact he couldn't tell her. He loved her as a friend, he really did, but this was too dangerous. He could never knew. Perhaps she would immediately report him to the Ministry if he told her.

"I-" He started, not sure how to finish the sentence. The bandages around his ribs felt soaked in nervous sweat by now.

"Oh, Remus you look really pale. You okay?" Lily's voice suddenly turned tender as he reached out a hand to cup Remus' sweaty forehead. He shrugged at her, not sure how to shake her off.

"I'm great. It's just been a busy day. Didn't sleep much last night." He said, sounding insecure.

"You sure that's all there is to it?" Lily asked in disbelief with a sigh. She looked really worried, her concern making Remus feel uncomfortable from where he still lay with his chest pressed against the Dark Arts book.

When Lily silently stared at him he lifted his left hand to brush back his fringe that stuck to his sweaty forehead.

"What's that?" Lily nearly shouted.

Remus frowned at her but when he found her staring at the hand in his hair he visibly flinched and quickly dropped the hand back to his lap. He bit his lip nervously, his heart trying to beat out of his chest.

"What was that on your hand? It almost looked like... claw marks." Lily trailed off, a crease forming in-between her eyebrows.

Remus tried not to scream in panic as his entire being told him to flee.

"W-what...? C-claw marks?" He stuttered weakly, starting to look around for the closest exit. In front of him Lily looked like she was solving a difficult puzzle, and Remus just knew she was about to figure it out soon.

_This is it. Now she'll put the pieces together and get that I'm a monster. She'll tell the whole school and tomorrow morning I'll sit in front of the Minister of Magic, awaiting my doom._

Grimacing, he waited for her to lash out, scream in horror, hit him or run away in tears. But she stayed silent.

Glancing up Remus found her looking at him, sighing, and her eyes sad.

"I don't know what it is but there's obviously something about you. I get this feeling you're putting all these walls up around you. I think you're keeping something from me. Keeping secrets from me, Lupin." Lily exhaled, lifting a hand to brush through her red hair.

Remus raised his eyebrows in surprise. He wanted to sing in happiness since she hadn't figured it out yet, and he wanted to tell her he never meant to hurt anyone, and also tell her that she didn't have to care about him so much. Instead he found himself asking "Lupin now, is it?"

Lily shook her head at him, muttering under her breath before she turned around and started walking away.

"It's sad that you won't trust me. I'm only worried about you. I'm your friend." She said over her shoulder, her words honest, making Remus' heart clench again, this time overwhelming him with guilt.

"If you feel like it you can still join the study group. It starts now." Lily said just before she turned the corner and disappeared.

Remus took a minute to try and calm his racing heart. His chest was filled with a bad feeling that felt like a mixture of self-hate and guilt. He groaned and finally leaned back from the book he'd been covering for way too long. The bruises on his ribs complained and he had to slam a hand over his mouth not to accidentally shout in pain in the silent library.

Suddenly it felt like everyone was on to him. Snape, Rosier and Regulus, Lily,  and even Professor Gordon. Sure, Gordon already knew about his 'furry little problem' but he always made Remus feel the need to flee at all occasions.

Remus didn't like the feeling of being constantly afraid. He was scared that someone, at any moment, would turn around and expose him to the world.

With a heavy sigh he hauled himself up from the chair. He picked up the book from the table and slowly started walking away from the table, following in Lily's steps. He dropped the Dark Arts book on the return shelf, all the while making sure no one was watching him, before he spotted a table to the far right corner where Lily sat with a another five students or so. Except for one guy it consisted of only girls.

When he closed in on the murmuring table of studying students his age he felt a frown set on his face.

He didn't like to keep secrets. He didn't want to. He didn't do it on purpose to exclude anyone. But it wasn't his choice to make in the first place. Because after all, if he was to decide between keeping secrets and risking death the choice was simple.

He would choose secrets every waking moment of every day.

With a sad sigh he greeted Lily at the table, apologized to her for his strange behavior in the common room, before he sat down.

He was too afraid to die.


	8. Christmas of 1973

Remus woke up feeling warm and content. He rolled around under his covers for a minute longer, not sure he wanted to go up yet, when something hit the edge of his bed.

"Rise and shine Moony!"

Groaning, Remus opened his eyes. James sat by the end of his bed with a huge grin plastered on his face, looking all too bright this early in the morning.

"Morning Moony!" Another voice greeted, and looking past James' shoulders Remus saw Sirius smile at him even though he looked very tired.

"Morning lads," A third voice mumbled from somewhere to Remus' left. Glancing over there Remus saw Peter get up from his bed and immediately search for any candy to fill his mouth with.

"You coming?" James chirped excitedly. Remus frowned at him, felt disoriented after his long sleep, but voiced a faint 'oh' in realization when James jumped off the bed, ran across the room and dived for the end of his own bed.

"Happy Christmas!" James exclaimed cheerfully right before he started tearing paper from a package from his pile of presents. Peeking over there Remus widened his eyes in surprise. James' piles of presents was big enough to give a present to every student in Gryffindor Tower.

"Hey, wait for us." Peter muttered before he stumbled off his bed and dived for his own presents. Close by Remus saw Sirius walk over to the end of his bed where he sat down on the floor, starting on the pile that was smaller than James' but still bigger than Remus' ever had been.

When Remus heard the excited shouts from his friends, or well, mostly James considering he was the only one fully awake yet, he slowly threw the covers off him and got up from the bed. He was in no hurry to see if he'd got any presents. Namely because of the fact his parents were poor and usually sent him a package of homemade biscuits and some quill. He loved them to bits, but he knew not to get his hopes up when it came to Christmas Day.

As he got up from the bed he noticed how warm it was in the room. Absentmindedly he thought that the house elves probably had put on some extra firewood the day in honor.

He walked over to the end of his bed, about to open the package of homemade biscuits he was sure would be there, but when he saw the pile he stopped. It was big. Much bigger than it usually was.

Suspiciously he sat down cross legged on the floor next to the pile. He reached out a hand and rummaged through the presents until he found one wrapped in thick, brown paper. He shook it and smiled when he heard the significant sounds of biscuits coming from inside. A small card was stuck to it, and just as he thought it was from his parents, and opening he box he saw that it was his favorite chocolate biscuits sent all the way from home.

He put the box aside before he picked up one of the other presents, one that was wrapped in a beautiful silver wrapping that reflected the light coming from the fireplace. Remus stared at it for a moment, almost got lost in the many colors that shimmered over it, before he turned it over to search for a sender. It didn't have one.

He lifted up one of the other presents, one wrapped in silver, another in green, and saw that they didn't have senders either. After sending a suspicious glance Sirius' way he started wrapping up the first package. It was the biggest box of chocolate frogs he'd ever seen.

Blinking in shock he started wrapping up the other presents as well. There was around five of them, and he wondered who he'd got it from. But when his lap filled with another package of chocolate frogs, a chocolate bar of Honeydukes finest, a beautiful bookmark with green trees on it, and a brilliant new uniform shirt, he sent another glance Sirius' way. He found him and James send him quick glances, their lips quirking up at the corners suspiciously.

Shaking his head, Remus got up to his feet. With the shirt in his hand he walked over to Sirius and held it out in front of him. He felt his cheeks heat up, and chest constrict with shame. He knew Sirius, or James but probably Sirius since he knew Remus had lost one of his shirts recently, had bought it to him. But it looked too expensive. The material seemed to be of the finest cotton and he just couldn't take it. He wasn't worth it. Especially not considering he'd only bought Sirius a small package of fizzing whizbees.

"Here, I don't want it." Remus sighed sadly as he held the white shirt out in front of him. Sirius lifted an eyebrow at him before he got up from the floor to pat Remus' shoulder.

"Why are you giving it to me?" He asked, just barely hiding the surprise over how quickly Remus figured it out.

"Here, take it back." Remus said instead, shoving the shirt at Sirius, pressing it to his chest. "I can't take it. It's too expensive..." He whispered as he felt the blush spread from his cheeks to his ears. It was awkward but he had to do this. The shirt was too expensive. He wasn't worth it.

Sirius didn't take the shirt. He shrugged. "I don't know what you're talking about." He said and took a step back.

"Oh, I see Santa has seen you've been a good boy this year, Moony!" James exclaimed cheerfully from behind Sirius as he sat back down, apparently done with their conversation.

"But-" Remus started. He felt uncomfortable feelings swirl in his chest. Why did they want to give him something as nice as this?

"Are you saying you don't believe in Santa?" Peter joined in, making Remus glance over his shoulder, finding him sucking on three lollipops at the same time he wrapped up several presents.

"I-" Of course he didn't believe in Santa. He hadn't received a gift from him for thirteen years. But he didn't feel like revealing that to his friends.

"Well, if there's no sender on any of the presents they have to be from Santa Clause." Sirius shrugged. "Would be cruel for you to throw them away when he's gone through the trouble of jumping through the chimney and all." Sirius sang.

Remus frowned at him. How did he know so much about muggle culture to begin with? Wasn't he a pureblood wizard?

"Yeah, I once left a present from Santa under the tree by mistake and the next day it was gone." Peter informed them. That made Remus glance down at the shirt in his hand. Well... perhaps he could take it after all. Or...? He didn't really believe in Santa, but it would be a waste if it disappeared, or if he threw it away. And if it really was from Sirius wouldn't he think Remus was cruel if he didn't take it? Remus didn't want for any of his friends to think badly of him.

"Well," He said, slowly walking back to the end of his own bed and sat down.

"Why don't you put it on?" James asked and Remus felt the shame in his chest suddenly turn into something more pleasant that reminded him of excitement.

"Put it on?" He repeated to which he received three sets of 'yes'. So he walked over to his bed, drew the curtains around him and changed out of his pajamas, put on a pair of trousers, and the new, white, long sleeved shirt that fit perfectly with his Gryffindor tie. He felt a happy smile tug on his lips when he felt how smooth the thick material was. It almost seemed to have been made for him. His other shirts were mostly second hand, but this felt like high quality and brand new.

The smile grew into a grin when he opened the curtains around him. He knew it was only a shirt, but somehow it made him feel special. He felt fancy and almost royal.

"I like it." He said with a shy smile as James, Sirius and Peter all looked at him.

"Wow, nice Moony!" James cheered with a grin.

"It fits you well." Peter said, less enthusiastic, mouth full with candy.

Since Remus had his suspicion the shirt was from Sirius he looked over to him. Though, when he found him staring at him, face almost in shock, eyes locked on his shirt, he felt the smile on his lips waver. Did Sirius think he looked funny? Did he think Remus didn't fit in expensive clothes?

He reached out for the curtains again, about to change back to his pajamas, scolding himself for his lack of self-confidence, when suddenly Sirius cleared his throat.

"Wow, Santa really seems to know you well Moony. It looks really good."

Somehow those words made something stir in Remus' chest, and he immediately felt a happy grin spread his lips. "Thank you Padfoot." He said honestly, hoping he got the message across that he shouldn't have bought it for him but he was thankful he did anyway.

Sirius grinned back at him before he winked at him. Remus felt his smile waver again as his heart skipped a beat. Merlin, was he getting one of those heart attacks again?

He brought his right hand up and placed it over his heart as he slowly walked over to sit by the end of his bed again. He waited for his heart to stop racing, and as he waited he suddenly felt how hot the room seemed. The extra firewood wasn't cozy anymore: it was uncomfortable.

Frowning, Remus thought he could watch the others as they worked on their piles while he waited for his body to stop acting really weird, so he turned his head to the right to watch James since his constant outbursts of 'Hell yeah!', 'Wow, thanks!' and 'Incredible... Absolutely brilliant is what it is!' made Remus curious.

He tore his gaze from the floor and made to look at James. However, in between them sat Sirius, alternating between playing with his hair and grunting as he ripped cards that Remus guessed were from his relatives. Remus looked at him, but immediately regretted it when Sirius glanced up and grinned at him again, the scene making Remus' heart jump painfully again.

Confused, he quickly snapped his head back so he could stare at the floor. He felt like something odd swirled around in his stomach, and realized he was probably hungry. That's why his body was acting so strange. He hadn't eaten since last night and Moony was getting angry.

Eager to eat breakfast he started wrapping up the last presents in his pile. It was a pair of socks, some parchment, quill, and a battered, old looking journal with dark brown hardcover. He searched among the wrappers, looking for any other forgotten presents, but when he realized this was all he exhaled. He was grateful for the presents he'd got from his parents, but most of all he would've liked a new robe or shoes. They were both growing too tight, and were so worn he was afraid of finding holes in them any day now.

He gathered his presents and placed them on his bed. Then he reached for his school bag for his usual set of quill and ink before he opened the journal. He was careful not to get any ink on his new shirt as he dipped the tip of the quill in the ink and thought of something to write.

_This journal belongs to Remus John Lupin. Third year Gryffindor. Also called Moony. Shares a dorm with his three brilliant Marauder friends called Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs._

He wasn't particularly proud of that introduction but oh well. Hopefully he would be the only one reading this anyway so it didn't really matter.

_If you find this journal but is not Remus John Lupin please stop reading right this second._

Okay, so he didn't think a journal-thief would be that kind but it still felt necessary to include that part.

_25 December 1973_

_Today I got this journal as a present from my parents, Hope and Lyall Lupin. I also got a pair of socks and some other stuff, but that's not the topic for this entry._

_Because I got five other gifts, without senders. Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs are telling me they're from Santa Claus but I don't think so. I think they're from them._

_One of the presents was a beautiful, white, shirt. I'm wearing it right now and feel like a prince. I know I should feel guilty for wearing something that I obviously don't deserve, but I don't. Not any longer at least. Not after my friends told me I looked brilliant._

_They're really amazing, my friends. I don't know what I'd do without them. I love them, but I would never tell them that out loud. That's not something that boys do. I think._

_~~Sir-~~ _ _I mean, Padfoot wants to leave now._

_Happy Christmas,_

_Remus_

"Whatcha doing Moony?" Sirius asked over his shoulder just as he slammed the book shut out of horror.

"N-nothing." He didn't know why, but somehow he felt like he wanted to keep this journal to himself. Like it was secret.

_Merlin, you really like keeping secrets, don't you? Just got yourself another one!_

"Wormy, hurry up. We're leaving now!" Sirius shouted, the loud sound nearly turning Remus deaf. Though, as Sirius was preoccupied by hurrying the others on Remus lifted the corner of his covers and slid the journal under it, hiding it from Sirius' prying eyes. Then he hurriedly put away the quill and ink before he got up from the bed.

Sirius, not having seen the journal, smiled at him. Remus saw that he'd changed out of his pajamas, and walking up to him from behind James had as well.

"This is the best Christmas ever!" James exclaimed, looking like he'd just won a thousand Galleons. He hugged Sirius from behind before he jumped up to wrap his legs around him.

"Hey, get off me!" Sirius urged as he started running, making James' loosen his grip around him, laughing.

While they goofed around, probably having eaten a bit too much candy, Remus fetched his robe and wand, and also placed one of the chocolate bars in his robe pocket. He practiced some basic spells while James and Sirius started another 'brotherly-fighting' in the middle of the dorm floor.

He heard Peter yawn before he told them "G'night" as he flopped down on his bed. Remus, that in a moment of curiosity remembered about a spell he'd heard a couple of months ago, heard himself mumble 'Levicorpus!'.

With a gasp Peter flew upside down in the air from his ankle.

"Help!" He screamed, making James and Sirius stop their fighting, blink around the room looking utterly confused.

Remus felt his chest explode with excitement as he'd just mastered a new spell, but then it was instantly replaced by choking guilt. What had he done? Why had he tried the spell on Peter, for Merlin's sake? Wasn't that a spell slimy, sneaky, Snape had made up?

"Snivellus!?" James suddenly shouted as he jumped up on his feet, lifting his fists in the air.

"Help!" Peter shouted again.

"Is Snivellus here? Where?" Sirius demanded.

Grimacing and sweating in panic Remus searched his mind for the counter spell. Then he found it, so he mumbled as quiet as he could "Liberacorpus".

Peter fell down on the bed with a loud creak and a huff. Remus' heart tried to beat out of his chest as three heads turned to look at him. He swallowed down a thick lump of nervousness before he said "Ehm, Peter was going back to sleep and, ehm, I'm really hungry so... ehm... sorry." His voice turned to a defeated pipe at the end.

The dorm was silent for a moment, the only sounds coming from Remus' racing heart that echoed in his ears, and Peter who grumbling got dressed for the day. Then James and Sirius broke out laughing.

"Oh, Moony!" James chuckled.

"Okay, from now on if any of us won't wake up we'll do that!" Sirius laughed as James patted him on the back.

Remus stared at them in disbelief. Weren't they going to scold him? Hadn't he just scared Peter? He looked over to Peter and saw that he was red in the face, but that his lips fought a smile.

Remus sighed in relief.

"Brilliant Moony, but please remind me to never ask you to wake me up." James chuckled before he started walking over to the door, Sirius following him, then Peter as well. Remus got up from his bed and made his way over as well, but stayed silent.

He felt himself start to relax as Sirius draped an arm over his shoulders right as James opened the door for them to leave the dorm. They made their way down the stairs, through the empty common room and out of the portrait hole. The Gryffindor Tower was empty save from them and three seventh years, much to their liking since they could now run around however they wanted.

"I'm telling you, the only thing my 'family' is good for is the pocket money I get every month." Sirius said as their conversation had drifted to the presents they'd received earlier.

"I have my own vault so I can spend it on almost whatever I want." He said with a shrug that made Remus feel uneasy inside. To an outsider it might have sounded like Sirius was bragging about his wealth, but Remus knew he didn't. No, it was more like he tried to find something good about his other horrible family, tried to find something to add to the conversation when James told them about how many presents he'd got from his folks. Sirius just wanted it to seem like he had it well when really he was hated by everyone in his family and desperately tried to survive in a mess of black blood.

Remus listened to the conversation but stayed silent. He played with the sleeves of his robe as they closed in to the Great Hall. The scar on his left hand was so faint now he could barely make it out, however he'd got another claw mark reaching from his elbow to his thumb during the last transformation. He frowned as he scratched at the healing skin. He didn't like it when the scars creeped out on his hands, neck or face. Those were much more difficult to hide.

When they reached the Great Hall they walked over to their usual seats by the nearly empty Gryffindor table. It looked a bit funny when the closest students sat about twenty seats away from them to their left but Remus didn't complain. He'd always thought the tables were a tad too crowded for him.

After a well needed breakfast that the day in honor consisted of porridge, gingerbread and cinnamon tea for Remus, mostly of sausages and ham for Peter, they left the Great Hall with filled stomachs and returned to the common room.

There they played tag among the many chairs, tables and sofas, not caring about how loud they were considering they were the only ones there. Remus found himself grinning and laughing as never before when they played tag, and then exploding snap and wizards chess. Sirius won the tag, Peter snap, and Remus the chess. James that had yet to win anything begged for them to come out and play a game of Quidditch since he was sure he would win that. But when all of them pretended to be deaf James muttered and dropped the idea.

Though, as he suggested they play a game of charades he managed to gain a lot of wins. He turned out to be a great actor, and also clever when it came to guessing who the others played.

After hours of playing they all returned to the dorm to doze off in their beds, flip through some magazines and eat some candy. Remus walked over to the desk by the window and sat down to write a thank you-letter to his parents where he wished them Happy Christmas.

When he was done they ate lunch together in the Great Hall, and then went outside to play a set of snowball fight. Remus and Peter was a team, James and Sirius the other. They built two forts and were just about to start throwing snowballs when Peter complained that he was tired and wanted to head back inside, so Remus, James and Sirius had broken up the teams and instead just thrown snowballs at each other. Ten minutes later James' lay buried in snow on the ground, Remus and Sirius sharing a victorious high five.

Remus was immensely grateful for the fact that his friends had stayed over with him for Christmas. This was by far the best Christmas Day he'd ever had, and it only got better and better.

When they returned to the dorm once again Remus took a quick shower and changed out of the wonderful shirt and into his favorite sweater that matched the color of his hair. He remembered what his mother always had told him about making oneself presentable before holiday dinners so he brushed his hair and even cut his nails as well. Though, because of his bad habit of biting on them they were already short to begin with.

Around five thirty James announced it was time for them to go to the Great Hall for Christmas dinner. He'd changed into a dark red vest with a white flower tucked in the pocket, making Remus' raise his eyebrows in surprise. He'd rarely seen James look that good. Had he perhaps forgotten Lily had gone home for the holiday?

Next to him Peter walked up, looking mostly like usual except for the Christmas sweater he wore. It was red with a golden lion on it, very Gryffindor.

As Remus walked over to the door he felt someone wrap an arm over his shoulders, all the while his nostrils filled with the overwhelming scent of a flowery shampoo.

"Hi Rem, ready for Christmas dinner with Minnie, Sluggy and the gang?" Sirius asked cheerfully. Remus nodded but was too occupied taking in his appearance to really listen on what he was saying.

"Wow Sirius, you look like you're going to an award show or something." He said, taking in Sirius' combed hair, and silver shirt, the tight black trousers, and the silvery necklace.

"Wait-" He said and automatically tried to take a step back as a jab of panic hit his chest.

"It's not real silver." Sirius informed him. "Come on, what do you take me for?" He pouted, pulling Remus in closer again.

Remus felt guilty. "Sorry," He said as James opened the door and they headed out of the dorm.

Sirius was quiet for a moment before he turned to look Remus' in the eyes, which was a bit difficult when walking down three sets of stairs.

"No, don't apologize. I understand. You can never know, and you can risk anything either." He said thoughtfully, looking concerned, making Remus flick his eyes to stare at his shoes.

The heavy feeling in Remus' chest faded away when James started joking around with Peter all the way down to the entrance hall. When they reached it and turned for the Great Hall they all stopped to gasp.

The Hall was decorated with probably over twenty Christmas trees that glowed and shimmered with the four different house colors. The enchanted ceiling showed the night sky with twinkling stars and snow above them that stopped right before it reached their heads. It looked magical.

Around the Hall armors sang Christmas carols around what Remus saw was one decorated table in the middle of the room.

Looking up Remus saw a mistletoe hang in the doorway, and he just had the time to guide himself and Sirius to the far right corner of the entrance before they walked through. James and Peter hadn't been as clever, and they weren't allowed to keep walking until they'd given each other a kiss on the cheek each, making them both hurl.

Chuckling, the four of them walked over to the table and sat down in the middle of it, Sirius to Remus' immediate right, Peter across from him, James across from Sirius. As other students joined them Remus counted that with them, the other three Gryffindor's, the four Slytherin's, ten Hufflepuff's and six Ravenclaw's they were twenty-seven. A lot fewer than the usual hundreds of students that fill the Hall on normal weekdays.

When everyone was seated Headmaster Dumbledore rose up from his seat by the head table to bid them Happy Christmas, told them he was grateful that they liked Hogwarts so much that they wanted to stay over the holidays, and lastly that the feast could begin.

With a clap of his hands food immediately appeared on the table in front of them. Remus filled his plate with turkey, potatoes, and brussel sprouts. He started eating with his friends.

Somewhere between the main course and dessert Christmas crackers appeared on the table, one for each student. Curiously, Remus cracked his, revealing a Christmas hat.

"Nice hat!" Sirius exclaimed before he cracked his own, revealing an exact copy of Remus' hat save from the fact that two blonde braids were sewn on to the end of it.

"Ha ha, looks like I'm Mrs. Claus and you're Santa Claus, Moony." Sirius laughed cheerfully as he draped the funny looking hat over his black hair, the blonde braids contrasting with it oddly. Remus felt a smile tug on his lips as he put on his own hat.

"We match." Remus chuckled as bubbling happiness escaped him. Sirius looked really funny from where he gripped the braids, twirled them around and made his voice high pitched, pretending to be a girl.

"Do you think I'm pretty?" Sirius said in his high pitched voice, batting his eyelashes at Remus who lifted a hand to cover his mouth as he laughed like mad.

"Stop it," He urged when the Ravenclaw girl to Remus' left eyed them suspiciously.

Sirius was embarrassing, but when he didn't seem to care Remus tried to block out the Ravenclaw girl by turning his back to her, focusing on how Sirius was trying to make him laugh instead.

Across the table James gasped in happy surprise after a loud pop. Looking over there Remus found him holding a set of reindeer antlers in his hands, looking like he was about to laugh out loud or grimace. When he put them on top of his head they all laughed since it played on him becoming Prongs - the animagi stag.

Remus, Sirius and James all stared at Peter, him being the only one without a funny hat yet. Feeling the pressure, Peter reached for his Christmas cracker, pulled it and gasped as it revealed a-

"Ha! A princess crown!" James snickered just as Peter's face turned into a weird shade of red. He gripped the crown and made to toss it under the table when James reached out, gripped it, pulled it away from him until he released his grip, and placed it on top of Peter's head.

"Oh, how pretty you look today Miss Pettigrew!" Sirius sang with his girl-voice again. "How fun that we're two ladies at the table now!" He chirped, making Remus choke on his pumpkin juice, cough, and receive hard pats on the back as he laughed out loud.

As the night went on, them munching on treacle tarts, pumpkin pies, and chocolate cake, Remus smiled the entire time. He had the time of his life and for once he didn't feel a lingering uneasiness in his chest.

Their enemies, or bullies like Remus thought of them, were at home. Lily didn't bother him with her scrutinizing stares, they had no homework at the moment, and Remus was left to finally relax and have fun with his best friends. For the first time in forever he felt the Christmas spirit. He loved how funny they looked in their new hats, how the armors sang carols for them, and how content he felt.

It was as if there were no worries in the world from where he sat laughing with his best friends. It was an unusual feeling for him, and in secret he had to pinch his leg, making sure he wasn't dreaming.

After a brilliant dinner Dumbledore bid them good night, ending the feast with a loud clapping of hands, and even a couple of cheers mostly coming from James and Sirius. Then Remus and his friends headed back for the Gryffindor common room where they dozed off in the couches by the fireplace.

Remus felt full, warm and happy from where he curled into a ball and leaned his head on the armrest. He listened to the low conversation of James and Peter as his eyelids slowly drifted close.

He didn't want the day to end. It had been the best Christmas of his life.


End file.
